If only we were taught sensitivity and understanding towards ourselves from a young age and how to build relationships in a healthy way without getting caught up in emotions and assumptions, probably many relationships would develop differently. More successful. Happier. Deeper. One of the skills that is missing in order for a relationship to grow and flourish instead of falling apart is communication. How we know how to listen and hear others, how we know how to express ourselves, and how we interpret what is said and heard.

Proven methods to use to improve mutual communication in relationships

Ability to communicate - this may sound complicated, abstract or generalized. However, the communication methods of listening and being heard are quite simple. The most difficult part is to get used to communicating in a different way, if so far communication has been driven by emotions.

Let's take a look at techniques you can use on a daily basis!

Active listening without waiting for the moment when you can prove yourself right

Not delving into the partner's story and waiting for you to express your opinion is a frequent habit of faulty communication that is really worth eradicating.

The goal is not only to hear or win an argument, but to understand. How to do it?

• Don't think of an answer in your head while the other person is talking;
• Do not correct what your partner said, listen to the end;
• Reflects what he heard by repeating in his own words: "I hear that you feel...", "If I understand correctly, you feel... because...";
• Ask clarifying questions.

As a result, the partner feels heard rather than challenged. And you will also learn more about your partner, instead of living on your own.

A message from the "I" position, not "You" accusations

By blaming the other and seeing problems in the other, we not only damage the soil of our relationship, but we also do not learn to notice and communicate how we ourselves feel. Your partner can't know if you don't tell them. And the partner does not have to guess it.

• The reproach “You never listen to me” is replaced by “I feel ignored when you interrupt me”;
• Share what is important to you: "I feel lonely when we don't talk in the evenings. I would appreciate 15 minutes just for us."

This approach helps your partner understand how you feel and what causes it. It's like prevention, eradicating the not-so-cool stuff in time, preventing resentment from building up.

Pause during conflict

If emotions take over, common sense tends to turn off its mode of operation, and we tend to say things that we don't even really mean, but which definitely hurt our partner. This is not necessary in a relationship at all.

What to do if emotions are running high?

• Agree on a pause (it can be 20 minutes, an hour or even two, until the heat of emotions subsides);
• Return to the conversation when you are calmer;
• Phrases like: "I feel like I'm getting too emotional right now. Can we continue in 30 minutes?" or "You are important to me, so I want to talk when I feel calmer".

A break is not an escape. But it is important to return to the conversation after a certain time so that it does not happen.

Naming emotions

Some of the tension is removed just by saying it. It allows emotions to be acknowledged, accepted and expressed.

• Tell me how you feel! "I'm sad", "I feel insecure", "I'm angry right now", "I feel left out when you don't answer my questions".

This approach helps to release tension and create a basis for a constructive conversation leading to a solution.

Specificity, not generalizations

Most likely, you or your partner tend to say: "You never..." or "You always...", generalizing and dramatizing the situation.

How to express your dissatisfaction with your partner's actions in a healthier way?

• Instead of "You always do that", say: "Yesterday, when..., I felt...". Example: "Yesterday, when you left without saying goodbye, I felt hurt."

Specific examples lead to fewer arguments and don't make your partner feel like the bad guy.

Confirmation that you hear, even if you disagree

You can say "I understand why you feel that way" even if you don't agree with the opinion. Thus, you show that you understand what caused unpleasant feelings in your partner. This does not mean that you agree - only that you understand.

• Listen, confirm that your partner has been heard, and you can already share your vision in a calmer atmosphere;
• You can say: "I can see that it really hurts you." The partner will feel heard, not denied.

A relationship with a partner begins with a relationship with yourself

It is not easy to create an accepting relationship full of understanding and respect if we do not know ourselves. Getting to know yourself and your psychological mechanisms is the beginning of building a relationship wisely, not as it flows or happens. How do I react? Why did I react like this? What views have I inherited from what I have seen in the family, in the family, even in cinema, which shows us examples of toxically passionate relationships, because then the film is simply more exciting...

There are many layers that we carry with us and through which we observe the world and draw conclusions without ever getting to the core, the true essence of our partner.

That's why you have to start with yourself. To remove the redundant layers that obscure the view one by one. The most successful way to get to know yourself, understand yourself and improve your communication skills is to turn to specialists.

Ieva Dilba is an inner strength, femininity and communication coach with a psychologist education.

"By changing our beliefs and reactions to situations, as well as by creating new patterns of thinking, we change ourselves - and with time, the world and people around us change as well. I believe that each of us has enormous power and a range of resources to achieve everything we really want."

Anete Pušpure is an astropsychologist and human design mentor and helps you look into your true nature in order to get rid of layers of beliefs and assumptions and start living your authentic life.

"But what if you finally lived according to your truth? Helping you discover your unique core - who you are behind the roles, expectations and frames imposed by society. I'm not helping you become a 'better version' according to the templates of others. I'm going to help you remember who you really are - and start living according to yourself, not against yourself!"

Ieva Mengele is a sexuality and relationship specialist and helps people restore and improve relationships with their sexuality and partnerships.

"A person is created to be in a partnership, and it is best that it be full of pleasure! I invite you to delve into your own and your partner's pleasure from a different point of view. I help you to see the difference in a partnership as an opportunity and together we find practical, easy-to-implement ways - how!"

Laine Kalėja works with the regulation of the nervous system and the release of traumatic stress in a somatic way in order to achieve the desired changes and inner peace.

"Somatic trauma therapy techniques help restore regulation in the nervous system, optimal energy levels, the ability to regulate your triggers and reactions more effectively, reduce stress and anxiety, and take care of yourself in a holistic way, experiencing inner peace within yourself and harmony in relationships."

Sanita Lapinska offers a self-programming tool for the human subconscious, where positive affirmations are broadcast in a special audio frequency - subliminally.

"The mind does not have to argue with the contents of the subliminal transmitted affirmations, trying to convince itself to believe what it is hearing now. The positive statements go directly to the brain and with the help of neurons - further into the subconscious."

We often experience difficulties or failure in relationships not because of the wrong partner, but because of a lack of communication skills. But all this can be learned and the quality of life can be improved and absolutely changed. All you have to do is realize, “Hey, I can do something about it!” And this is already halfway to a wonderful relationship.

Author of the article: Ieva Simanovića