Our beliefs, behavior and tastes are influenced by past experiences, but that does not mean that negative experiences should influence our present. It can interfere with building successful relationships , hinder their development or even lead to dissolution. Communication, trust and love are the cornerstones of a relationship, but it is not enough to be everything happily ever after. In moments when we feel dissatisfaction with our partner, past experiences are probably to blame, which subconsciously reminds of itself. In that case, it is important to pay attention to your feelings in order to find solutions and prevent them from spoiling the partnership . Bringing the past into the present can definitely end up with what we want to avoid - unstable, unhappy relationships.

LĪGAVĀM collected the signs that show that your past affects your relationship, so that you can notice them in time and to prevent

Comparison

Although it is often difficult to notice the consequences of one's past, in cases where one has consciously returned to it, comparing your past life and partner with the present is a sure sign that you haven't dealt with the past poignant experience. If you say it out loud, it will definitely make your partner feel bad, cause an argument or even a long one disagreements. If the comparison happens in your head, but you don't say it out loud, it can also cause internal discomfort, irritability, and most often the partner will also feel it. It is human nature to compare because we strive for better circumstances and life.

However, in this comparison, we do not give our partner the opportunity to show his best side.

Fear

Many negative, relationships degrade with fear behavioral patterns. The fear of trusting, the fear of being abandoned, unloved or cheated on again is clearly a thing of the past consequences of lived experiences. Although there is no guarantee that the past will not repeat itself, succumbing to the fear of the moment the relationship will definitely not improve. Fear should not control you, your relationships and life in general. There are painful moments are inevitable and part of life's experience, so work on letting fear affect you as little as possible happiness.

Avoidance of obligations

Misdemeanors in previous relationships can create a feeling that your connecting life with another person will result in the same outcome. Cold behavior, distancing from the partner and other types of avoidance of commitment can lead to the deterioration or even breakdown of the relationship.

If, however, the commitment causes negative feelings in you, explain to your partner that you need time and slow the progress of the relationship in order to be able to get to know each other more and move the relationship to the next level. If you are talking about marriage raises eyebrows, it is worth analyzing whether it is due to past experiences or such a future with the current partner don't imagine.

Control

Control and restriction of the other person's private life are very often associated with betrayal in previous relationships . It is often closely related to low self-esteem or self disbelief. Betrayal in the past may have made you feel less valuable, but the effort to control is excessive partner, questioning his every move, checking his phone or e-mail, as well as frequent calls will suffocate the other.

Even if you do it as if imperceptibly, your partner will feel that you do not trust him and his decisions, which will raise doubts about durability of relationships. Restoring the possibility of trust is not an easy process, so therapy and self-analysis can definitely help as well as conversations with a partner.

Author of the article: ELISA RUDZİTE

Photo: BAPTISTE HAUVILLE

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