Jealousy - one of the most destructive feelings that often creeps into the relationship between a man and a woman. Its influence has negative consequences psychologically and physically, but not only. Manifestations of jealousy in most cases are destructive to relationships and the stronger the jealousy, the more difficult it becomes to maintain mutual understanding and love . in this article, we will find out how to deal with jealousy, as well as look at the causes of feelings of jealousy.

Relationship mentor: Zane Ozoliņa

What is jealousy and where does it come from?

In psychology, the concept of jealousy denotes destructive feelings with a negative connotation, which under certain conditions arise in the relationship between a man and a woman. Jealousy can be felt by the child towards the mother, it can be expressed in the company of friends (when someone gets less attention) etc. However, this time we will examine the form of jealousy that occurs between husband and wife, boy and girl.

Before answering the question of how to get rid of jealousy, it is necessary to understand the reasons for the emergence of these feelings.

The most common triggering mechanisms (or triggers) of jealousy are as follows:

Negative experience in the past. If a guy or a girl faced the betrayal of a loved one in his life, it creates a serious imprint on a person's vision of the world. In the next relationship , a person will live internally - consciously or unconsciously - with the expectation of repeated betrayal, as a result of which he will constantly feel fear and jealousy.

Low self-esteem. In cases with problems in self-esteem, a person feels insecure and vulnerable. Such a person will see everyone as a competitor, and will also indulge in thoughts that he is not worthy of his partner. such thoughts turn both women and men into pathological jealousies.

Fear of losing your loved one. this factor is related to low self-esteem in many respects, but may also be due to the experience of frequent divorces in the past. A person is afraid of breaking up with a loved one and therefore sees a threat in every attractive person with whom the partner communicates. Even if it is unreasonable jealousy, it is extremely difficult for a person to deal with it or suppress it.

Egoism. Manifestations of egoism to a greater or lesser extent are characteristic of every person. However, in some cases, selfishness crosses the boundaries, and when this happens in a relationship, one of the partners begins to see his private property in the other. A jealous person begins to restrict his other half, forbids meeting with certain people, relaxing in companies without him, etc.

Take note! When feeling jealous, people interact with many other negative emotions. Including anger, fear, uncertainty, envy, sadness, despair, hopelessness. Each of these emotions only worsens the situation, increasing the impact on a person's psychological state.

With whom is jealousy dangerous in a relationship?

Practically every conscious person who is free from prejudice and every self-confident person understands that jealousy is destructive and destructive. On the other hand, those who are subject to these destructive feelings, in most cases, do not realize what harm they are doing to themselves and their other half, gradually destroying the relationship. They think that jealousy is a defense mechanism and is aimed at preserving the relationship, but in reality, everything happens exactly the opposite.

In the question of how to get rid of jealousy, it is essential not only to understand the reasons for how these feelings arise, but also to be aware of what they do to the relationship.

Jealous. A person who is prone to feelings of jealousy is constantly in a state of stress. Chronic mistrust gradually only increases, turns into paranoia, while stress accumulates, which as a result refers to the psychological and physical state of a person. Sooner or later the boundaries will blur, the jealous person will make the ultimate mistake that will put an end to the relationship. The simplest example - in a fit of jealousy, deeply offending or even physically offending the other.

Object of jealousy. A person on whom jealousy is constantly directed lives under great pressure, feeling mistrust of his every step or action and restriction of his freedom. If jealousy comes out in the open with constant questioning and claims, the situation only worsens in a geometric progression. The object of unreasonable jealousy suffers from stress, which is reflected in his physical and psychological state. Sooner or later, this vessel overflows and an overwhelming desire to get rid of the destructive relationship appears.

In other words, feelings of jealousy harm both parties, destabilize and lead to the breakdown of the relationship. for this reason, it is very important to work with yourself and look for opportunities to be free from jealousy.

How does jealousy manifest itself in a couple

Many do not even realize that they are showing distrust in their other half and turning into an unbearably jealous partner. Another step to getting rid of jealousy towards your husband or wife is learning to recognize the expression of these feelings.

Vivid examples of jealousy:

• mistrust and negative attitude towards others, including friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, business partners;
• excessive attachment to a loved one, the desire to be constantly around, finding reasons to realize this desire;
• open distrust when asking questions "what did you do today?", "where were you?", "who called you?", "why are you late for work?";
• if you notice signs of jealousy in your behavior, another reason for this may be a constant feeling of anxiety related to the relationship (or fear of it);
• extreme signs of jealousy are checking social networks and correspondence, constant calls during the day asking "where and with whom are you?".

Pay attention! Jealousy can also manifest itself in the form of loud arguments and outbursts of aggression on the part of the jealous person. Over time, attempts to control the other side become more and more vivid, there are constant scandals if you were a little late coming home from work or were late with friends.

Differences in male and female jealousy

Given the differences in the psychology, behavior and thinking of men and women, one can encounter significant differences in how jealousy manifests itself in each of the sexes. Thus, the question of how to deal with jealousy can be looked at from different angles.

If we talk about male jealousy, the following characteristic features are found:

• tendency to react aggressively and sharply;
• many men, when they begin to feel jealous, show a cold attitude towards their women;
• a tendency to control your loved one appears;
• open expression of anger is possible, from shouting to physical abuse.

As for the jealousy of the fair sex, the characteristic features are different:

• tendency to internal experiences and hidden anxiety;
• women are much less likely to openly show their jealousy, choosing to act secretly;
• dissatisfaction with oneself appears;
• tendency to dig into oneself and look for flaws, due to which (allegedly) the loved one has started cheating.

How to overcome jealousy

Considering how destructive jealousy affects both partners and the relationship between them, it is very important to get rid of it. It is important not to repress it, because repressing does not make jealousy go away, but to learn to let go of these feelings. In order to answer how to get rid of jealousy, we will consider several recommendations that are oriented to different situations.

How to stop feeling jealous of a man

Jealousy forces a woman to feel constant restlessness, anxiety and fear. In order to stop being jealous and destroy your relationship, a woman should listen to these recommendations:

• Talk to your man calmly and openly. In a conversation, it is essential to describe what you feel when certain situations occur. For example, tell your husband about your feelings when he is late for work or does not inform you about it. Reveal to him your emotions when he flirts with the waiter in the cafe and ask him not to do it.
• Remember, if your husband is with you, he has not gone to another woman. He works and tries for the family and that means he loves you. This means that he respects you as a woman and a spouse, your relationship, your family is important to him and that should be enough. Do not lower your dignity, get rid of self-doubt and look at things objectively. This is the best way to overcome jealousy and mistrust of a man.
• Be a realist - think about whether jealousy has a real basis. Most likely, you know about your husband's company at work and in the circle of friends. Also, know the priorities, habits, character and life values ​​of the person with whom you live under the same roof. With a clear head, think about whether your husband could be unfaithful and you will soon realize that there is no real reason for jealousy and maybe you will tell yourself that.

How to stop feeling jealous of a woman

Many men, aware of their condition or the fact that it threatens their marriage, ask themselves the question: "How can I trust my woman?" Let's consider the most important recommendations:

• Raising your self-esteem. Most men are unable to admit to themselves that their jealousy is driven by low self-esteem. And you may not admit it to yourself, but to prevent jealousy, stop comparing yourself to other men, learn to respect and love yourself. It is also worth remembering your strengths and good qualities more often. Believe - your wife knows them and respects them in her husband.
• Works with yourself. Realize yourself where you are strong or find a new occupation that will allow you to grow. Especially good if the occupation will bring more income or some benefit in any other form. No less important and powerful is self-realization in sports. Every new peak will give you an opportunity to prove yourself and you won't even notice how you have outgrown feelings of jealousy.
• In the matter of how to overcome jealousy towards his wife, a man should be aware that a woman is not his private property. You fell in love and married a person who has her own desires, the right to her own friends, she can meet her friends, work, live a full-blooded life. Your wife needs a husband who will support her, not treat her like an object. Remind yourself of this in every fit of jealousy and try to put yourself in the place of your beloved.

In conclusion, I would like to remind young as well as mature couples - relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. If you respect your partner and he respects you, there is no room for jealousy.

It is very important to build relationships at the very beginning on a firm foundation of mutual trust and not to give reasons to doubt each other. In that case, there are no questions about what to do with jealousy. However, even if the relationship has been built differently, it is possible to build trust later. If necessary, contact a family psychologist (together or individually), as this will allow you to better understand each other and speed up the processes of strengthening the relationship.

Author of the article: Zane Ozoliņa