It seems that there are two questions in the world for which people have been searching for answers for centuries - how to live forever and what is love? Connecting these questions, another one arises - how to love for the rest of your life? And is such love even possible? As the annual Valentine's Day approaches, LĪGAVĀM seeks the answer to this question.

Staying married throughout life is work

There is a saying, if you want to know what love is, ask those who have been married for several decades.

Professor Karl Pillemer once did exactly that, surveying 700 Americans aged 63 to 108 and finding out their views on love. He later compiled these insights into the book 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage . He admitted that almost all the couples interviewed were still in love with each other and felt that the love had only grown stronger over the years. But they also wanted young couples getting married to know that staying married for a lifetime is hard work.

As a result, the author collected 10 lessons and learned:

1. Opposites are attracted in romantic films, but often do not make great partners in marriage. Couples who have been married for 30, 40 and 50 years admitted that they should choose a person for marriage with whom they share common values, interests and have a similar vision of the world and how best to live in it.
2. Pay attention to what your friends and family say about this person. If none of your family or friends likes your partner, there could be a good reason for that, so you should listen to them carefully and evaluate what they say.
3. Physical attractiveness is important. All the interviewees said that the first crushes came from the external appearance. This does not mean that you should only strive for external beauty all your life, but that you should keep yourself in a healthy and attractive shape, which will help to preserve the spark of intimate relationships in later years.
4. Beware of the strong and quiet type of person. Although such personalities may seem very fascinating and their mystery may even seem sexy at first, if you want to spend your life with someone, communication and conversation are the key words. Those who have been married for several decades say that one of the biggest secrets of a successful marriage is: talk, talk and talk!
   

   In addition, it is important that you can talk not only about feelings and big things in life, but also to have a good time together and relax.

   Can you hold a conversation for two hours over dinner? If not, then the future of this relationship should be seriously considered.

5. Step outside your comfort zone. When your relationship becomes serious, it is necessary to be together outside the comfort zone in some event, for example, go hiking instead of the cinema, climb mountains, go on a trip by car or repair the living room - it is in such real situations that you can get to know and appreciate the other person better.
6. Be a bit old-fashioned . If you are going to marry this person, ask questions like, will this person be able to provide for the family, what is his relationship with money, will he/she be a good parent to his children?
   

   Of course, the primary thing in a relationship between two people should be love, but we should not forget that marriage is also a commitment that will require the involvement of both parties.

7. Observes your partner while he is participating in an activity. This will reveal whether the partner is honest, how he/she reacts under stress, and how he/she can handle defeat. Small things can reveal very big things about a partner's suitability for marriage.
8. Appreciate your partner's sense of humor. Observe what makes your partner laugh, what he finds funny and what doesn't. This will allow you to understand whether you will be able to adapt to each other's sense of humor, because in neither case will it likely change even after 30 years of marriage.
9. Pay attention to the "red flags"! If the partner is overly jealous, sarcastic, tends to take serious offense or even violent - these are definitely red flags that should be taken into account.
10. The feeling of falling in love matters! Couples who have been married for many years admitted that above all a person should have that inner feeling that this is the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

PHOTO: LINDA LAUVA , EMILIJA BOGDĀNOVA , ELINA UPMANE , EIĆARS FREIMANIS, KLYDE LIELBIKSIS, MICK SCHELS