“ Relationship is the art of compromise.”

"You have to know when it's better to be silent."

"Any transformation must always start with yourself."

These are sayings we all know well and probably use ourselves. But when will the hour and minute come when we can disagree and refuse everything that one of us expects or from what is "accepted in normal society"?

The modern view of love in public space has largely become oriented towards looking good from the outside and fitting into the “real box” rather than feeling really good.

When it comes to relationships, I believe that a true sense of well-being arises from the formation of a deep spiritual connection with a partner, sharing common memories and from the mutual exchange of energy - the ability to both give and receive.

It's about investing your time in the people who matter most to you

However, when taking decisive steps and making important choices in life, questions or reflections always rise to the surface of consciousness like champagne corks, which must be answered before safely surrendering to the flow of events and focusing on building the future. One of the most important (and perhaps trickiest) questions is:

Am I being true to myself and am I “myself” in my relationships?

The concept of authenticity, it turns out, has been relevant for a long time, only we each come to it in our own time and situation. What does it mean to be authentic? How to practice it in your life and in your interactions with others in order to build lasting and sustainable relationship bonds?

Authenticity is not "something" that we either have or lack, it is a practice - a conscious choice of how to live, a range of choices that we create every day by being present, true and honest.

this idea is likely to inspire and frighten at the same time, because on the one hand it is a value we value in ourselves and others, but on the other hand, in a society built on the rules of inclusion and indulgence, it is quite a challenge. Choosing to be honest with yourself without pleasing others is not the safest path to walk, as it leads you outside your comfort zone and, as is often the case with staying in foreign, unknown places, there is the risk of someone, hmm, that's right - "getting in the mouth".

Because, rest assured, the only guarantee that can be given to anyone who acts or dares - you will be criticized. And criticism is painful, even if we are well aware that it is unfounded and out of place. A natural and somewhat logical reaction would be to harden yourself against the opinions and chaff of other people's thoughts, - we often present this skill to ourselves and others as a useful and welcome quality, don't we? But the problem is this - by closing ourselves off, we are no longer able to be authentic, honest. A vicious circle that can only be broken with courage.

The courage to “tell your story” to the world while remaining vulnerable to criticism. It is a risk that must be taken in order to experience a true, open relationship, offering the depth and beauty of one's self to the other, rather than a barricaded, carefully sealed shell.

Sacrificing who we truly are in the name of not disturbing or pleasing other people is simply too high a price to pay. Yes, we and our loved ones may experience “growing pains” with authenticity, but taking stock of our relationships always turns out to be one of the most valuable gifts we can give to those we love.

Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect in yourself and in the space of your relationships, to set the boundaries of privacy you need, to allow yourself to be vulnerable, as well as to learn compassion for each other, knowing that we are all at the mercy of our insecurities and internal struggles. To keep alive our mutual connection and sense of belonging, which can only survive if we believe that we are enough with each other. It's fine the way it is.

When I came to the decision to shape my everyday life and make choices based on the desire to become honest with myself, in order to be able to get out of the pits I dug myself, in the events and situations of which the only thing I really came close to was depression and dissatisfaction with life, I came across a wonderful author - Brené Brown, a researcher, professor and writer at the University of Houston. Based on her research, she has written several books on topics such as shame and guilt, vulnerability and the aforementioned authenticity.

Brown's choice of an authentic life is compared to a revolution

"Choosing to live and love with all your heart is an act of defiance. You confuse, offend and frighten countless people - including yourself. You marvel at how brave you are and at the same time overcome with fear. I feel this way almost every day... brave, scared and very, very alive."

We really need to grow and change, be silent and observe, accept and reconcile, - the most important thing in this case is the direction of all these actions - whether it comes from the deafening pressure of the external world and its long fingers that constantly poke our minds, demanding capitulation before its inexorable "order"; or from the inside, from our own nature, which, acting intuitively and wisely, chooses the most suitable tools to build new steps in our lives and in our relationships with those we walk alongside.

The writer E.E. Cumming said "To be nobody-other-than-yourself in a world that tries day and night to make you anything-other-than-you means to fight the hardest battle a person can fight - and never stop doing it."

This is what I wish for all of us - strength of spirit, courage and permission to experience ourselves also in a close relationship with our closest person.

Author of the article: Dārta Daneviča