Couples therapy can truly be life-changing for two people in a relationship, whether they are newbies, newly married, or just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary . However, for many couples, talking about couples counseling can lead to backlash and negative associations. Many believe that couples therapy is only for those who are in a very bad relationship and are on the verge of death, but this is far from the truth.

What is couples therapy?

Licensed couples and family therapist, American Erica James emphasizes that couples therapy can be useful for almost everyone: "Therapy in general deepens your understanding of yourself, during it you can learn what and why provokes you, and how to deal with it. Often our romantic relationships bring to light various "things" from childhood or other stages of life. Couples therapy can help you learn how to manage difficult moments, gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner to be able to communicate and cope in a productive way.” The therapist explains that those who are against couples therapy often do not understand what it is.

In general, couples counseling, also known as marriage therapy , is a safe place for two people to examine and make necessary changes in their relationship. the purpose of such therapy may vary from couple to couple. The most common goals are promoting marital satisfaction, improving communication, strengthening emotional connection, promoting sexual intimacy, and satisfying deep relationship needs.

Where to look for a couples psychotherapist?

Psychotherapists are usually classified according to the methods they practice. Couples and family therapy has its own specialists that you can look for:

1. on the website of the Association of Latvian Doctors and Psychotherapists arstipsihotarepeiti.lv/lv/gimenes-un-paru-terapija/
2. In the register of certified psychotherapy specialists psihoterapija.lv/sertificeto-psihoterapijas-specialistu-registrs/

How do you know we need couples therapy?

Relationships require both time and effort. It is a two-way exchange of energy that is mutually beneficial. Every relationship has areas that need more attention or stumbling blocks that need to be worked on. There are couples who find the middle ground and grow both as individuals and as a team. However, it is not so easy for everyone, so it is important to look for a solution. If you're not sure couples counseling is right for you, consider asking yourself some important questions that will help you understand what stage your relationship is in and whether couples therapy will deliver the results you're looking for.

Do I see myself in a long-term relationship with this person?

Before going to counseling, it is recommended to decide if you are really interested in this relationship. The same goes for your partner. It is important to find out if this relationship is worth the energy invested.  If the answer is yes , couples therapy can definitely help with mutual communication and promoting harmony.

The main condition is that it is equally desired by both parties.

Was the previous relationship unsuccessful?

Unless this is your only partner, the answer to this question can help you decide if couples therapy might be helpful. Past relationships can leave lasting consequences, change our behavior, reaction to what is happening, way of communication. The therapist emphasizes that it is very important to heal the scars of the previous relationship in order not to bring negation into the new relationship. During couples therapy, your partner will get to know your past experiences, which may already be reflected in your behavior or reactions, but have not been understood by him until now. Maybe his past experiences were also unpleasant, and a deeper conversation will allow you to see him in a different light.

Do we often argue about the same things?

If you and your partner feel stuck, arguing and debating the same topics every day, couples therapy can help you resolve these issues and move on. The longer you stay in this unproductive discussion cycle, the more you will damage the relationship.

If you have not been able to find a solution on your own, therapy may be the answer.

Which therapist would be suitable for us?

If you have decided in favor of therapy, it is important to understand exactly what would be the most suitable psychotherapist . Each of them has a different approach, some are very direct and ask specific tasks and questions, some gently lead to the solution of the problem, some involve role-playing or other methods. It's only normal to try several couples therapists until you find one that works best for you both.

What do I expect from couples therapy?

Your couples therapist will ask you this question, so it's good to think about it ahead of time. More often than not, one partner will be able to clearly define the desired outcome, while the other may find it more difficult. It is important to articulate and understand the common goal, because only by being able to agree on the desired result will it be clear what you are aiming for. Couples therapy is a collaborative effort and a clear vision will surely be the basis of success.

Author of the article: ELISA RUDZİTE