A conscious relationship with a soulmate is a dream come true in the field of romantic relationships. However, there is a risk of not noticing them and also easily losing them if we look at them through a romanticized and illusory naive prism, taking them for granted.

Meeting a partner with whom to build a conscious relationship is not as difficult as it seems. That's even the easy part. The real challenge is to be a full-fledged partner yourself and to know how to keep them. To keep the field, to know how to respect and recycle your old patterns of perception and behavior.

You don't find a conscious relationship, but you become a person who can maintain it

Conscious love and relationships are not brought into our lives by a specific person. Creating conscious relationships is an ability - it must be created and built. Because otherwise - you may not notice your potential partner, you may choose the most toxic potential instead, because it is with them that you have instant sparks, chemistry and butterflies in your stomach, you can meet the most wonderful, supportive, caring, empathetic partner, but... continue to build relationships as usual. Relationships cannot turn out to be beautiful and successful if we continue in the old way - with arguments, insults, silence or the inability to listen to our partner.

We create conscious relationships. They do not come our way as a surprise gift.

They are created when you:

• Be present in the moment instead of fantasizing scenarios;
• Be open, don't keep silent and don't share your desires and feelings, the unsaid over time creating bitter resentment;
• That is, to regulate emotions and release them in a healthy way (by pronouncing, exercising, prescribing, expelling them from the body, performing breathing practices), instead of projecting dissatisfaction onto the partner;
• Take responsibility for your inner world, instead of expecting to be saved, thereby placing the burden of your responsibility on your partner;
• Allow your partner to be open and truly listen, instead of waiting for you to tell your truth;
• Do not demand changes in your partner, but consider what you can do differently yourself. Maybe there are boundaries that your partner teaches you to set because you don't respect your boundaries or even don't realize that they should be there? Maybe you carry the illusion of a partner you built in your fantasy, but it was neither promised nor shown in action?
• Be aware that you cannot influence what happens, but you can choose how to react;
• Do all of the above, respecting yourself and your partner.

In order to get into a conscious relationship, there are preparations to be made. It is work with no one but yourself.

Emotional intelligence and regulated nervous system - prerequisites

One of the human factors that prevent enjoying a mature, harmonious, conscious relationship is lack of self-knowledge and lack of control of emotions. Life is drastically different - what it is like when emotions rule over you, and what it is like when you are an observer of emotions. This does not mean that you no longer feel, accept or deny emotions. This does not mean remaining cold and unfeeling. It is the ability to notice and record your emotions, to let them be, but not give them power. Understand why you are dissatisfied, angry or resentful. See the reason.

Self-knowledge helps to reach such a state - when you understand what has shaped you with exactly the reactions and patterns of perception and behavior that you have. Because it's all changeable! Two different people can experience the same situation, but one will explode in emotions and poison the environment around him with the bile of dissatisfaction, while the other will allow himself to feel, but will draw rational conclusions and find a solution in cooperation with his partner. It's called emotional intelligence, a balanced response that helps you recover much faster from stress.

The next skill is to know how to regulate your nervous system, so that it is not like a time bomb, where you pull one thread and the whole system collapses. You can use very simple methods to support the nervous system, which do not require money, time, or any special conditions:

• Landing – wade into the grass with bare feet; in winter - walks with bare feet in their homes;
• Breathing – exhalation is longer than inhalation. Sit down for a few minutes and breathe calmly, filling your body;
• Physical activities - both light stretching and gentle sports help the body process emotions so that they do not accumulate and become a problem in the physical body;
• If you move everyday and breathe properly, the next step is regular meditation. They don't have to be long or every day to have an effect, the main thing is to do it at all and do it regularly.

All this will help you to function in a regulated manner under stressful conditions (in addition, the amount of stress in your life will decrease significantly, because you will give less and less importance to what was able to shake you before) and reach emotional maturity, where you are the director, not emotions . There will be no need to run away, blame or collapse.

You know your desires, you are able to define and name your boundaries out loud, and you respect your truth without trying to make proving it a battlefield.

The task is to become a person who, when love offers you to grow in depth, is able to remain open, honest and emotionally intelligent.

A conscious relationship cannot be experienced by someone who betrays himself

If you don't know your limits and allow them to be violated, - allow them to disrespect you; suppress your desires; do it till you break; do not know how to refuse - you have abandoned yourself. So there is simply no basis on which to build anything healthy. There are only ruins. But you can change it! If you notice. Unless you decide. Unless you want to. Step by step. You have to learn to trust yourself - your intuition, needs and desires. Because you are the only one who knows what is best for you.

You attract what matches your understanding of love and relationships. Until you know how to love yourself, that's exactly what life gives you - insecure, unreliable, treacherous, unpredictable and unstable.

But - it is important to remember that it is not the case that potentially toxic partners pay attention only to those who do not yet know how to love themselves. They can also pay attention to self-loving and confident persons, the only difference is that they will be bitten quickly and will not lead to a relationship.

Everything depends on how we allow ourselves to be treated.

In a conscious relationship you grow together

No relationship is a super smooth runway without pebbles on it. Being aware is the ability to deal with these obstacles instead of tripping over them.

Partnership is one of the most powerful ways of self-growth. You can grow by yourself, but in a pair it will be much faster, stronger and more powerful. And at the same time - extremely beautiful.

It is easier to meditate alone than to be open when a partner reflects your deepest insecurities. Relational confrontations bring to light your dark sides, which would otherwise remain untouched, unconscious and unprocessed from coal to gold. A conscious relationship is not an end point. It is a space to wake up, grow and develop. Create and transform. Become open and honest. Crystal clear in both the beautiful and the ugly. Become human.

Author of the article: Ieva Simanoviča