Orgasm - a phenomenon that, just by pronouncing its name, raises a series of questions, feelings, expectations and reflections in almost everyone. What exactly is it and how can we understand if it was experienced at all?

For a person, orgasm is a moment full of pleasure, a psychological, physical and physiological event in the body. Looking at the scientific definition, we can learn that it is based on a series of muscle contractions and the intense release of so-called happiness hormones - dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins - in the body. Although important, this characterization is quite limited. SexyStyle expert, sexuality researcher and teacher Natalya Sorokina writes more about the pleasurable phenomenon.

Orgasms, which can be achieved both alone and with a partner, arise from the stimulation of different areas of the body and can be gentle, particularly intense, longer and shorter. They are able to help you relax after a tiring day at work, indulge in sweeter sleep, relieve menstrual cramps or chronic pain, improve prostate health.

Orgasm can also be a consciousness-altering state that creates deeper intimacy and a closer connection between partners. All of these ways are wonderful!

What turns you on?

When arousal and sexual reaction are formed, both sides of us unite - physical and emotional. Lust, a strong desire to be in intimate contact with another person arises "in the head" and this feeling has rather a psychological basis, while genital arousal is our body's physiological response to a spicy situation. The intensity of both mentioned in people can vary depending on circumstances, previous experience and a number of other factors, besides, physical and emotional arousal can rise both simultaneously and at different rates.

In order to get to know yourself and your sexual taste better, we recommend that you find out and record what exactly creates and intensifies lust and arousal in us and what slows them down! It can be clarified with a variety of techniques, for example, starting with sex and the latest book of relationship consultant Ieva Sīmanes «pull yourself up. Color your sexuality» flipping or pamper yourself with the erotic advent calendar , which will allow you to try different toys and intimate cosmetics to unleash your sexuality day by day.

In the 1990s, the Kinsey Institute researchers Erik Jensen and John Bancroft explained the "enhancers" and "brakes" of sexual desire as follows: the first are the creators of excitement, which, perceiving something in the environment that is captivating and sexy in the person's opinion, send signals from the brain to the genitals to arouse them. On the other hand, "brakes" control these signals.

It might seem that restraint is superfluous, disturbing and only delays moments of passion, but in fact it is very essential, because it protects us and does not allow us to forget about common sense and safety. "Brakes" work almost continuously and make you notice the unwanted in intimate moments, such as danger, health risks or the possibility of becoming pregnant (if it is not planned), discomfort, inappropriate conditions, etc.

There is no single orgasm formula

The legendary sex researcher Betty Dodson divides orgasms according to how we experience them in the body and talks about two types. The vivid tension orgasm is the one that results from the release of tension and arousal built up in the body, while the relaxation orgasm results from a slower, more gradual escalation of stimulation and pleasure into a relaxed state that involves different breathing patterns and postures.

On the other hand, my sexology teacher Anastasia Miheeva tells about four levels of orgasm, which differ in how intense it is:

1. Orgasm only as a psychological experience - sexual desire, the ascension phase of which is followed by relaxation;
2. Sexual desire and excitement in the intimate areas lead to convulsive contractions of the vaginal muscles;
3. During orgasm, the lower abdomen and hips join the contractions of the vaginal muscles;
4. A wave of orgasmic convulsions takes over the body from the toes to the facial muscles.

Each individual has a shorter or longer period of time after an orgasm, during which it is impossible to experience another orgasm. You can read about this and other peculiarities of our body in the Latvian-translated book «Love what you are» by Emilia Nagoska.

After learning how different orgasms can be, we can happily conclude that there are actually no people who cannot experience this great feeling, or there are very few. If we can internally feel the rise of arousal in contact with a partner, indulge in fantasy, touch ourselves, it means that orgasm is possible, it just hasn't reached its full potential yet. Orgasm can be delayed both by the effects of previous sexual experiences and by personal beliefs about sex, but the good news is that the ability to experience a magnificent orgasm can be developed. On the other hand, to promote sensitivity and enhance physical sensations, you can use special intimate cosmetics .

Here are some tips on how to create orgasm-friendly conditions!

• Get to know your unique anatomy;
• Accept and be aware of your right to pleasure. Listen to yourself, understand how you feel at the moment, get rid of expectations, but allow yourself to enjoy the feelings that overwhelm you here and now;
• Take a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths. Many people find it helpful to reach orgasm by being warm - maybe putting on warm socks or covering up;
• Do not rush to touch your most intimate areas right away. At least 20 minutes allow your body to tune in and enjoy caresses in other places;
• When you indulge in solo play, get rid of the idea of "correct" touches. Move, allow yourself to an intuitive process, be guided by what gives you pleasant and enjoyable sensations here and now. Use your hands or a toy and observe yourself internally - feel what it's like to touch yourself consciously and spend more time on it;
• One of the techniques for additional stimulation is listening to an audio guide - various apps and websites are available (mostly in English) that will enchant adults with their fantasies;
• Consistency is important. As soon as you find your rhythm, pressure and direction of movement, continue what you started without changing anything. Focus on breathing and if you feel that the most intense moment is approaching, try not to tense up and just let go of what you are experiencing. Orgasm may or may not come, but what you have enjoyed will still have been a wonderful, no less valuable experience.

Orgasm is not the goal

As much as we would like to achieve orgasm, it is worth keeping in mind that this in itself is not the only goal to strive for as a final result. In addition, it is quite shy - most likely, the more we wait for an orgasm or say that we want our partner to "finish", the more the orgasm will move away from us. The greatest satisfaction and the widest amplitude of pleasant feelings will open up if the attention is focused on the pleasure in the specific moment, conscious savoring of the sweet moment. Orgasm can follow as a nice side effect.

In fact, it is completely irrelevant to find out whether what was experienced was an orgasm or not, and if so, what type. The best we can do is explore our bodies, find the places and types of touch we like best, focus on getting satisfaction from the process itself and experience it alone or share the pleasure with a partner.

P.S. In the creation of the article I have used the excellent book "SexEd: A guide for Adults" by Rubija Reira. I recommend! I also invite you to the SexyStyle master classes and consultations , which can turn out to be a wonderful starting point in learning about your individual sexuality and improving relationships.

Article author: SexyStyle