Calm wind, long-awaited sunshine and green parks herald the approach of summer. Before the laziest months of the year, it's time to leave the piles of clothes accumulated in the winter in the deepest corner of the closet, wash the dirt accumulated on the windows and sweep through the whole house with a broom in hand. Time for spring cleaning! 

However, spring cleaning should be done not only at home, but also in the head, don't you agree? No matter how much one would like to see both the house and life "clean and tidy", the perfectionist's pillow in the head prevents us from truly enjoying the time we have been given. A perfectionist is a person who is dissatisfied with himself and others because what he has done is never good enough. In the family, it can manifest as partner sawing , unreasonable conflicts, constant stress, not to mention the effect it has on children. 

here are some signs that you are a perfectionist:

• You procrastinate and put things off until the perfect conditions exist to start them;
• You criticize yourself or others all the time, but at the same time it is difficult for you to accept criticism;
• You try to win everywhere, even if it doesn't matter to you, but it's hard for you to accept compliments;
• You spend a lot of time and resources to do what you have to do perfectly, sacrificing your well-being, because you never feel like you did a good enough job;
• You are afraid of failing or making mistakes because it means you didn't do well enough and everyone will know;
• You deliberately avoid situations where it could potentially be revealed that you did not do something perfectly, because you are afraid that others will condemn you for it.

Perfectionism has a negative impact not only on your relationships with people, but also on your professional life and well-being, besides, you also teach your children not to make mistakes and develop perfectionism in themselves. Even more so, if you recognize any of the mentioned qualities in yourself, you too most likely have this desire to do everything perfectly in your childhood. Trying to remember what your parents were like? If you were compared to other children, then at the moment it manifests as a desire to prove to someone that you are good enough or worthy enough through your achievements. If you were praised a lot for your successes, but pointed out just as much for your mistakes, it creates a fear of failure and failure, which prevents you from trying different options and fulfilling your potential.

If your parents were divorced, maybe your subconscious mind thought it was your fault, so now you feel like you have to do everything perfectly to protect your family. If your sister or brother was "more talented, better, more charismatic", it causes mutual competition and the desire to win, but if you were the "most talented, best, most charismatic" child in the family, then you always had to do everything perfectly to keep that bar. Do you notice any patterns? From childhood, many people are programmed to do things perfectly so as not to get hurt...

And in this way, sometimes without even realizing it, we pass this message on to our children as well.

How to get rid of perfectionism?

1. Change your language - the moment you catch yourself thinking about how to do something perfectly, change this question to: "How can I improve myself?";
2. Do not allow thoughts to delay the process - do now and improve later;
3. Use writing - write down what you will lose if you postpone and do not act, and what you will gain if you take action and do?
4. Increase sensitivity towards yourself - come up with a mantra that will help you, for example: "Everything is fine, we all make mistakes, progressing more slowly is better than not progressing at all...";
5. Choose the people around you - don't spend time with negative people. If you feel that someone close to you has a negative effect on your energy, remember that you can love people even from a distance;
6. Start deliberately making small mistakes - don't be afraid to leave the house a little messy or tell people that you won't be able to do what is required on time. We are all only human and can all be “imperfect”;
7. Focus on the process - don't set any expectations or expect a perfect result and do something you've wanted to do for a long time, but put it off because there weren't "ideal conditions".

Remember that nothing in this world is perfect! Even the most beautiful rose has thorns and the most successful person sometimes gets a headache. But that doesn't stop us from enjoying those beautiful, "imperfect" moments that life throws at us, right?

Author of the article: Liene Uresina

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