When you are about to become a married couple or you are already a wife and husband, so you are like one whole organism, which sometimes has to learn to communicate with the outside world – parents , grandparents and relatives. Everyone has an opinion, but not everyone realizes how ethical it is to interfere with it. The sincere art of mutual understanding plays a huge role in making communication really enjoyable and desirable.However, sometimes communication with the husband's or wife's parents creates a completely unnecessarily tense, heady and conflict-inducing atmosphere. How to avoid this?

First, if misunderstandings arise in intergenerational relationships and conflicts , be aware that someone involved (or even several) is ultimately not a mature self-sufficient personality. And it probably never will be. Here, the number of years makes absolutely no difference.

You are adults

This is an essential point to remember in order to be able to stop parents trying to interfere in your life in a timely and confident manner. Yes, often parents can really help us with some valuable advice if they have gone through similar situations and made their own conclusions. And they will be very grateful and will feel appreciated if you ask for advice. Too much is too much, though.interventions, opinions and advice are too much, the parent has not learned to live his own life.

Finally, remember – parents had their own opportunities to start a family, create and raise children . They have already used their opportunity. That's it. Now it's your turn. Raising children is a very sensitive topic – and here it is worth remembering that we raise children both in accordance with our own best intentions and influenced by current research and guidelines. Ifonce a crying infant was prevented from sifting on his hands because it would be “spoiled” in this way, so which reasonable parent would now agree with something so absurd? Perhaps at the moment when one of the grandparents suggests that the baby refuse the mother's so vital comforting closeness, smell and warmth, it is worth considering why so many modern adults have to visit psychologists to deal with childhood trauma.

Accept and allow to be

As we know, we cannot change the other person or event, but we can change our attitude towards it. If we imagine the environment, beliefs and time that our parents were inchildren or young adults as a separate bubble, completely different from the bubble we grew up in, it is understandable that we were shaped by completely different aspects. And basically, we don't really get into each other's bubble.that can be annoying in our parents' behavior or beliefs, something that can be difficult for us to accept. But is it tactful to point this out? Is it tactful to blame someone? Does it bring something positive to our relationship? No, we'll be happier ourselves if we don't fry .

Accept and love your parents exactly as they are. This is essential. Open your heart and let this love flow. Let them be. And love for every little thing we have received from our parents' hearts.

Compromises?

Other times, compromises seem to be the only way to maintain a good relationship.

However, this is not true. Compromises are not always necessary. They can even be unhealthy. As an example, you're city dwellers with an active out-of-home life, time-consuming hobbies, passionate travelers, and an infinite amount of energy and joy. Parents, on the other hand, expect you to come every holiday to their country house to do farm work, because at some point that house will be yours… But you're therenever dream of living.

No, no compromises needed here.

Help from time to time – that's another thing and another story. Do what makes you wing! A dream of a country house is a dream of your parents. And it is not your responsibility to bear responsibility for the dreams of others.

Psychological support

If, however, you feel that conflicts are escalating or cannot be resolved in a peaceful and respectful way, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Your consultation, unfortunately, will not change the attitude of parents, but it will allow them to look at what is happening through a healthy prism and focus on more important things.

Author of the article: IEVA KRASTIŅA

Photo: INGA VĪNAUDE , ELIZABETH PODLESNIK , CHELSANDIES , cabrelli wedding

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