About marriage after 30

I'm fast approaching my 30s and since I'm not married yet, I'm getting more and more the question why. Sometimes I am really overwhelmed by the feeling that there is an opinion in society that if you are still single in your 30s, then that's it obviously something is wrong with you. I want to overturn this opinion, because IT IS OKAY.

Marriage after 30, in my opinion, is a necessary step that cannot be rushed, just like you cannot miss your real one people.

Just as wedding manager Kaspar Breidak writes in one of his Twitter posts:

"You have to learn to be with yourself, otherwise it is impossible to become something with someone".

However, I want to look a little deeper at this phenomenon - marriage after 30, so I invited psychologist Ineta to a conversation Lazdani and personal development coach Anna Krimeli (ex Lieckalniņu), who herself became a wife this summer.

WHY DO WE MARRY LATER?

Ineta Lazdāne, psychologist, creator of the game for couples "Journey in love", states that people have always married at different ages - both 18 and 35 years old, however the current trend shows that right now you can really see the choice do not rush into marriage and marry a little later.

1. "First of all, when the socio-economic situation of society changes, values also change. People are much bigger attach importance to the growth of your career. Therefore, marriage after 30 or 40 does not matter much. How to be to be successful and earn a lot of money - these are questions that preoccupy young people to a large extent after finishing school. Therefore, unlike the time when in the past people often rushed to get married immediately after finishing school, now one thinks more seriously about one's career, saving and other aspects.
2. Secondly, society's attitude towards living together without marriage has also changed. At the moment, people believe they can build your career while in a relationship, almost fulfilling all the needs that used to be provided only by marriage - the feeling of belonging, the realization of sexual relations without the special obligations that marriage requires," says Ineta Lazdana. As another factor, the psychologist mentions financial considerations, that is, nowadays, organizing a wedding is demanding fairly large funds and there is an opinion among couples that if a wedding is held, then only real and only such, that we want, so they are postponed until they become a possible reality financially.

AFTER 30 – THE FIRST TIME TO START THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AT ALL!

Personal development coach Anna Krimel got married this summer, at the age of 33, and currently calls herself young wife , who is still getting to know and understand what it really means to be married. However, she is sure - 30 the age threshold is not the last, but on the contrary – the first moment to start thinking about marriage.

"Personally, I have always had extremely high requirements for marriage, so in my case, getting married after 30 years of age is the first time, not the last time.

I have always thought that this is a serious decision and I sometimes feel that younger people have this responsibility different. Only when you get older, grow up and become a person, you can create together with another person what valuable and lasting. I'll be honest, I think it's crazy to get married in your 20s.

A person has to calm down, grow up, develop himself so that he can be with someone at all,"

confident Anna.

Psychologist Ineta Lazdāne also points out that the advantage of getting married at the age of 30 could be that, first of all, the choice is done much more deliberately, secondly,

two mature personalities have met, who most likely have already understood what they want from life and from their partner.

"It will rarely be a choice made purely on passion, which often happens when you get married at the age of 20. Most likely, the partner is already has been assessed as corresponding to one's lifestyle, values and interests," says Ineta Lazdāne.

DO WE LOOK LONGER FOR “THE REAL ONE”?

Psychologist Ineta Lazdāne points out that one of the possible reasons for later marriage trends in our society could be longer search for the "right" person. "It will definitely be more common in the male audience, because it is among men characteristic fear of connection, therefore also hiding behind the excuse of whether this will be the one and doubts whether I it is impossible to find anything better.

Humanly we can always find some fault because of course no one is perfect but here it is more a question of the ability to trust and rely on", says Ineta Lazdāne. Anna's case proves that women also have fear from marriage after 30.

Anna admits that she once attached such a great sense of responsibility to her marriage that she thought for a long time and was afraid whether married doesn't mean dead? “I personally think that men actually want to get married more than women in perception it is a stereotype that men do not want to get married, because I see that women are actually much more afraid. Me I have been torn within myself for many years with the fact that on the one hand I want to be with someone, but on the other hand I want to be able to keep your freedom and to fly like a free bird," observed Anna herself.

CHALLENGES - ARE AND WILL BE!

Regardless of whether you get married in your 20s, 30s, or 40s, expect challenges. Getting married after 30 years age, they will certainly be different than in their 20s, but they will be. Psychologist Ineta Lazdāne states that

At the age of 30, it is more difficult for a person to get married, because he remains more demanding of the other, has enjoyed his freedom and letting someone into your private space can be challenging.

"Naturally, a situation arises that a person needs to think about his choice a lot, and it also takes a longer time to would adapt to each other," says Ineta.

Anna admits that for her, marriage definitely means and marked a change. It could be compared to entering from from one room to another, where other rules of the game also apply. "It means living the same way, but at the same time completely differently, because now you are no longer alone and it fundamentally changes everything in your life. It is a challenge to learn to be together, to find compromises, to understand where it is necessary to exist more than yourself. I'm learning to be a wife - that's me is happening for the first time in my life and I still don't fully know what it really means. However, I have realized that to be together is much more interesting. It's actually more fun and once I got the hang of it, it took a ton of stress out of me feeling about marriage as such," says Anna frankly.

HOW TO MARRY AFTER A LONG-TERM COhabitation?

There are couples who have been in a relationship for ten years, but have not officially gotten married. Why? Psychologist Ineta Lazdāne points out that there is no one specific recipe or answer to this question. "It is often a choice that is made a man, because he feels safer without special obligations. For a woman, on the other hand, it is more often a situation that creates insecurity often there is also an unconscious cause of conflicts.

The incomprehensible status in a woman creates insecurity, while insecurity contributes to the formation of tension. Therefore, before talking about how to stop such a condition, I would like to touch on prevention. When a woman agrees to live together is important be aware of this risk that a man might be comfortable with such a model, so the question must be answered whether she is like that is? If the answer is positive, then everything is fine, but if not, then it is important to think before agreeing to such terms. In my opinion, the recommended time to live together without special commitments would be no more than one year, when the couple understands how they are able to live and cooperate when they are close together.

If, however, the unmarried status has lasted for a long time, then it may sound a little cynical, but maybe it is worth taking a risk and to talk to your partner about your unmet need. Because if we live in fear to say how in reality feel, then maybe this relationship is not worth it.

Having the courage to take risks and talk about your needs, feelings and emotions will allow your relationship to grow and allow to receive what the heart longs for and most importantly - it will allow us to become closer,"

convinced Ineta Lazdāne.

Author of the article: LIENE PÄLĆA

Photo: MĀRCIS BALTSKARS