Low self-esteem is unfortunately very common nowadays. People with low self-esteem often cannot understand why society treats them badly, why others do not want to communicate with them, why "the world is against me". Due to the fact that a person is unable to adequately assess his qualities, his potential and himself, he is unable and does not try to achieve anything in life.

Daina Einberg

What are the causes of low self-confidence and self-esteem?

Low self-esteem and its causes come from childhood or as a result of a series of specific events due to which a person has lost faith in himself. An important factor that causes guilt in childhood is parents' low self-esteem . If 's parents have considered themselves inferior or dependent on others, 's children also feel inferior, as a result of which they are unable to overcome difficulties and cope with problems. Everything starts from the moment when the parents call the child bad. The child cannot understand that this characteristic refers to his behavior rather than describing his personal characteristics. Comparing your child to others, such as an older brother or sister, or even worse, to someone outside the family, creates feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. The child unconsciously compares himself with children of a similar age, whom everyone likes and admires, and begins to suffer from his own imaginary "defects". Therefore, it is very important for parents to learn to direct any criticism towards the child towards his erroneous actions, not to him personally and to compare only the experience of the child himself - what you were and what you are becoming.

If the child is not given enough attention, is not told how special he is, how much his parents love him, then the fear of not being loved appears in the child, and then the child unconsciously starts looking for this love - either by trying to please his parents in every possible way by proving what he is capable of, or by looking for youth companies (most often unfavorable) where he feels he belongs, "your own", or finding authority figures who are not at all like your parents, and so on. In adult life, this manifests itself in the fact that the child constantly tries to prove to himself and others that he is worthy of love, and then often ends up in traumatic relationships in the family, work team, society in general.

If the basic reasons are combined, then it could be said that the most common causes of low self-confidence and low self-esteem are negative attitudes, beliefs, principles and values borrowed from parents or guardians, negative, excessively imposing upbringing with an emphasis on guilt and feelings of inferiority, and the person's own mistakes and failures, acquired already in school years as a result of false, misconceptions of teachers and classmates.

In adult life, people with low self-esteem are characterized by the following signs: indecisiveness, pretending, avoiding praise and compliments, difficulty in socializing, they easily give up and compromise, ask for help very humbly, do not set high goals, constantly compare themselves, forbid themselves to be truly happy.

How to deal with it? How to raise low self-confidence and self-esteem? There are various techniques to help yourself, I will share some of them:

1) Positive self-talk

Start every morning with a positive conversation with yourself, while still lying in bed or approaching the mirror. Say thank you for a new day, wish yourself good things, promise yourself that today you will take care of yourself, your well-being, that you will learn to love yourself even more. And be sure to end the day in the evening by thanking yourself for everything you have achieved, what you have learned, also as lessons, for the opportunity to live an increasingly better life.

2) Transform your negative thoughts about yourself

When a negative thought about yourself creeps in, don't chase it away, but on the contrary - stop yourself a bit, be aware of this thought, see why you choose to think badly about yourself right now, and change this negative thought about yourself to something good. For example, if you failed to defend your opinion on a work issue, the thought creeps in: "Oh, I don't know anything!" Be aware of this thought. And then say to yourself: "Yes, I failed to defend my opinion constructively the first time, but how good it is that this time I at least started to do it, because I didn't even try before! I'm a crook!"

3) Self-praise list

Take a page and write down four things about yourself: a) what are my strengths, competences, skills, qualities that I am good at; b) what are my achievements (big, small, even seemingly insignificant); c) what I like about myself; d) what others say well about me, what other people thank me for. And put this page somewhere visible to read it from time to time, and be sure to add to it.

4) Take the good from others

The next time you compare yourself to someone, find out how this person has achieved it, what exactly he does to be healthy, travel, be energetic every morning, and so on. And start implementing these valuable habits in your life, even if it's just one small step forward.

5) Self-care

It is very important to pay attention to yourself more often - to dress properly, take care of your hygiene, at least from time to time afford to buy yourself something new that you want. By taking care of ourselves, we develop self-love.

6) Find your specialist

It is important to process the "traumatic" experience of childhood with a specialist - a therapist, psychologist, coach, a person who will help you heal your inner pain forever, so that you can allow yourself to change your behavior, thoughts, feelings towards yourself and the whole world.

7) Change of society

Evaluate what kind of people are around you. With those who do not appreciate you or lower your self-esteem , meet less often, only for a short time, or stop meeting at all. And find at least one person, but preferably a group of people who support you, are sincerely interested in you and your growth, are happy and who will transfer this charge of energy to you as well.

8) Everything new causes curiosity about the world

Regularly learn new skills, acquire new knowledge, listen to valuable information. "Unlock yourself" from TV news and negative comments on portals! Choose people to follow, listen to and watch, books that inspire and change you every day - only up!

Remember that increasing self-confidence and self-esteem begins with the decision that you really want it

to do, and with specific actions towards the result. I believe in you - you can do it!

Author of the article: Daina Einberg

Coach-therapist with 15 years of practical experience in coaching, therapy, training

Pavadone, which leads people to a happier, healthier, richer and more conscious life

@DainasPasaule / www.einberga.com