Almost every girl dreams of her wedding day, where she has to give her name to her prince, the beloved man of her dreams, and wear the most beautiful and special dress in her life - wedding dress . Basically, the dream of becoming a princess. Or more... a queen to her king.

However, when that day has come, and your friend has proposed to you , and you said yes... Pag, did you say yes to experience the day in the skin of a princess, or to show off your new surname or status, or because of social pressure, or because you have a baby, or to avoid being a grandmother, or can't refuse anymore, because guests are invited and grandmothers are very, really looking forward to your wedding day... ?

Are you really ready?

What is marriage? And what do I really expect from being married?

Marriage is no joke. Although sometimes it is the most frivolous and hasty marriages that lead to the strongest bed. Marriage is a very responsible step. It is a responsibility to your loved one, to yourself, and to your possible children. You choose a person with whom you can share not only a pleasant time and the joys of love, but a life companion, a teammate, with whom you must be able to speak the same language, understand, set and achieve common goals, be by your side, support.

Being close and intimate in the broadest sense of these words. Marriage can become a path full of trials or a healing transformation, where in true understanding and love , you will not tear each other down, as it often happens, but lift each other up.

This is not a story about status, it is not a story about the expectations of society, family, parents, relatives, friends. It is the story of each of you as a person, as a being, gaining new, colorful, valuable experiences from which to draw and learn joy, love and patience and learn to overcome obstacles and get closer to each other. It is not estrangement and becoming flat mates, with the romantic dating remaining just a fading memory, but the understanding of deep love and intimacy, getting closer and closer to it over the years. Deeper and deeper. More and more true.

ABC of questions to ask before the wedding

•  Do I love him?

It's a magical time - people get married because they love. Incredibly, it hasn't been like that for a very long time. For hundreds and thousands of years, people have had to fight for their love and suffer unfulfilled longings. Don't want to give a name to a partner chosen by parents, with whom to share everyday life and bed. But now you can ask yourself this one, seemingly banal, but actually so comprehensive and meaningful question.

And that is the only true meaning of being with someone. If you don't love, then why spend your life together? Sometimes being alone is easier, sounder, airier, freer, ultimately more joyful and full of pleasure than being married just because "there was time" or "it's necessary, it's accepted".

Or you think that you won't find anyone else. Don't be afraid to be alone! It is better to be alone and happy (and this does not mean - lonely, because we can fulfill ourselves not only through partnerships, but also through other types of relationships - friendship, family, work, hobby relationships) than in a relationship in which you are physically together, but emotionally - really lonely and misunderstood.

•  Do I feel free and true with him?

Can you be alone with this person who proposed to you? Real, authentic? Is being in this relationship a breath of freedom? In which are not inadequate expectations and demands placed on you? Do you feel that you can't be completely yourself and you have to adapt, develop, enjoy yourself in order to keep the relationship outwardly beautiful... because the inner beauty, as soon as you start to adapt, toxically merge with the other, losing yourself, is no longer there.

•  Does he respect me?

this question is a continuation of the previous one. If you are respected - you will be accepted even with your shadows, with your interests. You will not be pressured. They will not try to stop you in what brings you joy. Yes, you will work with those shadows, but you will not make the other person feel wrong.

•  Would I be ready to go with him to the edge of the world?

this question is like a simple but effective test. And that's how it is in life - no need to complicate it. By complicating, we become entangled in the web of the mind, entangled like a spider's web, and forget what is essential. Are you ready to go anywhere in the world with him if necessary? What does your heart say?

• Are we looking in the same direction?

Do we have similar basic values ​​in life? Instead of looking at each other through the frames of rose-colored glasses, which sooner or later will fall, break, crumple. Do we see the true picture and are we at peace with it? Is our future vision similar? Does it not contain significant differences?

•  Do we agree on the vision of the role of a woman and a man in the family?

Ask each other what you expect from a man and a woman. What are your perceptions and experiences and what would you like to change about them. Everything is fixable, fixable, if you talk about it. And if you really listen to each other with love.

• Do we have the same vision for raising children?

And I will offer you an even more powerful question, ask yourself! Do I want this person to be the father of my children?

If you feel that you want to take a step back, even though you have already said yes, the easiest moment to do it is now. With each step further, it will become more and more troublesome, more complicated, uncomfortable and unpleasant. And being that step further, every previous moment will seem easier. Either way, it's NEVER too late.

Author of the article: Ieva Simanoviča

Photo: Lucie Weddings