Hello.

Outside the window is winter, with all the biting cold, snow and today also with the sun and blue sky.

I'm sitting in bed, a dog is curled up in a heart at my feet, we've both been hugging for the second hour in the warmth of winter, which I personally don't love, forgive my ugly frankness. This is to delay getting to the main thing. On to why I'm here.

I was one of those girls who dreamed of only one role throughout her childhood and later throughout her school years. Not in theater or cinema. In life.

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to get married - to be a bride and later, of course, a (good!) wife.

This is probably not surprising, but in my case, this dream role guided me through various choices, influenced my most important paths and relationships with the closest, chosen people of my heart.

If in childhood it was a playfully harmless fantasy about the famous white dress, then later my longings took on realistic outlines, they took strong roots in me and grew by turning, gaining in height, strength and productivity. Longing to get married early to grow up with a partner, longing for your family, longing to repeat your parents' love story and share your youth, your growing up, your great victories and overcome losses together, because - when is this more important than when you are young? Later, we all have mastered the art of steering life, grown thicker skin, more stable posture, and found the deepest and most inaccessible chambers within ourselves for the vulnerable.

And now? Now I realize that my dream has long since expired. I'm worn out in relationships, I'm disappointed in late proposals, when the most beautiful ring I've ever seen on my finger reminds me of time lost in fading waiting, of spilled words, fights and tears. And I have stopped wanting. Jo manu sapni realizēt tā īstajā, ideālajā versijā vairs nav iespējams,- ne šajā dzīvē -, proti, esmu jau pieaugusi pati savā atbalstā, paļāvusies uz savu spēku, un nonākusi šodienā tikai pati savā, ne tuva pleca, stipras muguras vai mīlošas sirds kompānijā. And thanks to that, I can breathe freely again. Yes, there are lives in which fairy tales (read - Hollywood movies) do not come true, and maybe that's a good thing. There are lives where waking up from a dream breaks the heart. But as we know, only a broken heart can see light. And Love.

Why am I telling you this? Because our vulnerability - yours and mine - is what creates fear, insecurity, planting us and making us choose illogical detours or even stay put. But vulnerability is also the place within us where ideas, creative spirit and real change are born. Therefore, let's love it, cherish it and weed it out from the tangles of fear, leaving within us the seeds of ideas and growth.

The role of the bride in our lives is the bridge we measure to get to the other side. On the shore where everything is really just beginning.

That's why I want to share the stories of experiences, secrets, rejections, teachers (and students!) that I know, as well as just met or even met by chance, which may allow you to arrive at the shore of your new life more safely, bravely, calmly and firmly standing on the unknown ground; not to look for untested maps or sketchy guides in the moment of confusion, but to freely rely on your inner compass and, if necessary, to lend a hand to the fellow traveler walking beside you.

All good things in our life begin only with us.

See you here to explore together:

• growth in depth;
• new horizons;
• old age truths;
• your and my questions and answers;
• self-understanding and acquaintance;
• relationships - not only with each other, but also with oneself;
• peace and love.

Farewell quote from the book I'm currently reading:

"In moments when we are vulnerable, and also when we feel extremely safe, surrounded by another person's love, our greatest secrets and longings are revealed to others, and usually by ourselves. When there is an exchange full of vulnerability, there is always an expansion of being on both sides. We become bigger and better people."

[J.Rubenis, “Viņa un Viņš. Mīlestība. Attiecības. Sekss.”,2016.g.]

Stay warm!

Author of the article: Dārta Daneviča

Photo: from personal archive