Perhaps we don't hear the phrase "relationship coach" as often as in other parts of the world. A relationship coach is the person couples turn to to improve their relationship and understand each other even more. A relationship coach can help you see and crystallize relationship goals, understand and clearly see the reality of existing relationships, help you deal with various relationship issues both in the short and long term. This is exactly what relationship coach Kristīne Kreile (www.beasur.eu) deals with.

Relationship coaching is still a new and unknown topic in Latvia - what exactly does he do?

A relationship coach helps a person realize and develop himself in relationships with others, in order to experience fulfilling mutual relationships with people important to him in all aspects that are important to him.

It could be said that, in principle, there are two directions in which work is done: if there is a conflict situation, it is solved, at the same time, we also work on establishing such mutual relations in the future, in which both partners feel as good as possible. When working as a couple, with the help of coaching it is possible to create any desired relationship reality for both partners. During the sessions, the couple can strengthen and develop the couple's values, mutual communication, solve issues that occasionally interfere with enjoying the relationship, as well as look for various conflict solutions.

In the pre-wedding period, for example, it is possible to find a common understanding of what is important to each of the partners at this time, it is possible to look together at their relationship and what is essential for both partners, both together and individually.

If such relationship coaching is necessary, does it mean that you don't know how to build relationships?

Nowadays, many people go to various courses and seminars to learn methods for self-improvement and development, to learn how to deal with the actualities of their lives, but when it comes to relationships, they often rely on "everything will happen the same way". People are reluctant to talk about difficulties in relationships and often do not even want to admit to themselves that they lack some relationship skills. It is only normal that we are not immediately real relationship professionals, especially when many of us have not had an example of healthy relationships in our family either.

In addition, it is often difficult to look at the situation objectively with each other due to emotions that prevail and prevent one from seeing and accepting one's own or the other's behavior patterns, therefore the coach as a neutral person can help to see them and develop what is desired for the specific couple.

For what couples could a relationship coach become a great helper?

For every couple. Indeed! Often we only seek help when we are in crisis. But coaching is a great tool to use preventively, so that when we as a couple experience a crisis (and that's normal, it's an opportunity for us to grow as a couple), we already have a "tool kit" to use to survive and grow through that crisis.

As a couple, we often get stuck in some of our behavior patterns, even in everyday situations, and in coaching we have the opportunity to look at it all "from the outside". A coach can often ask questions that neither of the couple would even think to ask. In coaching, a couple can jointly address such issues as what are the goals of our relationship, how I see myself in a relationship, what I expect from the other, how the other sees it, how to learn to talk without offending the other and without offending yourself.

This is a great way to devote meaningful time directly to your relationship.

In a time when everyone is so busy and we are constantly learning new things, this is a way to spend quality time with each other and our relationship. And not just to attend another seminar or listen to a podcast and "know everything as you should", but to actually act and apply your knowledge in practical action. That's why I think a couple's coaching gift card is a great gift for any couple, because nothing is more valuable than the time we give each other.

How does relationship coaching differ from couple psychotherapy?

Relationship or couple coaching is not couples therapy in the same way that a coaching session is not a psychotherapy session. A coach can help you see the essentials, see a new perspective, realize the areas that would be desirable to improve or develop, as well as find the best solution in the current situation. During a coaching session, there is usually a focus on the future and the desired outcome, but not all previous relationship experiences are analyzed in detail. Coaching can provide a very effective result even if it takes place in parallel with individual or couple therapy.

What are the questions, problems and situations that most often couples want to discuss with you?

They are very different. A large number of people seek help in situations of conflict and crisis, when they have already tried to solve it themselves, but have not succeeded. Also, coaching sessions are useful when a couple is going through a change, such as becoming parents. There are couples who use it as a relationship "refresher" when the routine has set in.

Many couples must be interested in whether a relationship coach can help save a relationship?

A coach can help on the way to solving some relationship "entanglements", shedding light on specific problematic issues, gently encountering fears and unresolved issues. In the process of coaching, the relationship is usually resolved and made more understandable, but each relationship has its own unique “set of issues” so it is impossible to predict a specific outcome of the process. In addition, the coach is only an accomplice to the people involved in this process, and the result most directly depends on the process participants themselves.

What do you think is the secret to a successful and healthy relationship?

It says that 70% of conflicts cannot be solved, and we should focus on the 30% that can be solved. Therefore, in my opinion, true respect for the differences in each of us, the ability to resolve conflicts with sensitivity towards each other, and the ability to be happy first of all for oneself, without waiting for the other to make me happy, are very important in a healthy relationship. And, of course, lightness and playfulness!

I usually tell clients that every couple will have their own unique recipe for being together, and the only indicator of whether it works is whether they feel good about it.

Would it be advisable to visit a relationship coach also before the wedding?

I think this would be recommended for any couple before a wedding or at any point in their life together. As much as we would like to believe that "love conquers all" and that if "we love each other, everything will work out", in reality we see what the divorce statistics are. Because in our life together, we encounter many situations in which the reality does not meet our expectations and which we did not even imagine that something like that could threaten our happy togetherness.

Coaching before the wedding is the kind of investment of time, energy and money that later helps develop a happy and fulfilling relationship in the long term.

Author of the article: LIENE PÄLĆA