AND THEN WE GET ENGAGED...

Do you know how it is when "...there is only love. Love alone. And everything in this world - whether night or day, there is only love. Love alone.”?

Jānis Ezeriņš once wrote that, and he must have known. Now I know it too. And for some reason I remember more and more often experienced several years ago...

89-year-old Mrs. Dorothea sighed, smiled, sighed again and... I already knew what would follow - the long story of how "my Philip proposed to me". It's true - I, a paid time-waster of this English lady, had a story quite fed up already. If I was not lucky with some important daily news, I listened to it every other day. "And then we were engaged..." - Mrs. Dorothea seemed to taste these words; it seemed - it had been her life the culmination, the most important thing, what was worth living for.

But there was also a wedding, the birth of a son, grandchildren, in the end - a long life at the side of his Philip, Philip shines in him had left only five years ago. Strangely, there wasn't even a ring in this story, at least it wasn't mentioned. What she remembers most vividly was the feeling that suddenly it was no longer he and I, but we and how parents were happy about it with both of them. And the words Philip said. "We, us, our..." - Mrs. Dorothea repeated happily. And more than 60 years after the proposal, Mrs. Dorothea smiled - sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes mischievously cunning and remembered how happy she felt at the moment when she gave the word "yes" to your Philip.

And why am I now walking around, smiling stupidly (but probably happily) and remembering Dorothea? I guess already because "my Philip" also proposed to me... I wonder if it will also happen to me when everything else is done will be forgotten, become irrelevant, every word he said at that moment will remain in your mind? Will I remember the feeling when could (we could!) announce to the whole world - we are engaged? But why not? The desire to get married came to both of us from the heart, and the feeling - well, the feeling now is that "...there is only love". Also the word "yes" well is expressed. What next?

Engagement party? Are they necessary for me (us), others?

SOME ENGAGEMENT STORIES ...

"Doesn't everyone do that?" friend Zanda wonders. They even had two whole celebrations - first At the home of Zanda's parents, when both families got together and not only celebrated, but also decided on purely practical matters questions, and a week later - a loud and fun engagement party with friends.

"My Andrej completely shocked me," recalls a classmate. "We didn't even really live together here with him, here with me, when he decided to celebrate my birthday. Moreover, with a completely uncharacteristic scope. I was still surprised, because there was nothing round, and I had never seen my friend so active - he made it himself invitations, found a nice sauna on the shore of the lake, prepared everything, celebrated something special together with my best friend.

And then at sunset, on the shore of the lake, in the presence of all our friends, he gave me a fishing rod and said - "Draw! Maybe it will be your fate...” I also pulled and immediately understood that the fish would not be there; I think - a birthday present per day. But there was a ring! And Andrei was so terribly worried! I don't remember what he said to me, nor what I said I answered, only how all my friends were happy and congratulated us (then I probably already said "yes"...)."
"Well, yes, we had an engagement..." he hangs up not quite sure colleague. "Juris asked if I married him, there was no ring, there was a necklace. We informed my parents after weeks. No, there were no other celebrations, we started preparing for the wedding."

"But my Atis came with a friend to my parents to look for an escaped calf!" laughs cousin Liene. "It was probably not quite in the spirit of the ancestors, but it was fun, the whole family was together and later Ata also joined parents and brother. I got a small ring, my mother also had a gift. And I gave Atim a chain."

"I perceived the engagement period - about half a year - as a test period, I wanted to make sure before the wedding that I will be able to live with him at all. It's probably not typical, but I'm scared and unsure. For those who are afraid how it gives me a sense of security - as if everything was agreed, but I knew I could withdraw" - he wonders classmate Ina. "We did not advertise our engagement, only those closest to us knew. There were no celebrations, we drank wine with my parents. There was a ring, but of course - Aldis is a Rothkali!"

"Gunár and I knew clearly that we would get married in the church. Everything is strictly regulated there, we went to school, first we were baptized and consecrated. Last month, during the service, the pastor called out to those who want to get married, including us. We also considered the time from the invitation to the wedding to be the time of engagement, all the closest relatives knew about it and friends. But the proposal - it was a holiday just for the two of us, so beautiful that even now I get goosebumps remembering it. It was so cute that I don't want to tell anyone about it. Maybe someday, after years..." - that godmother's daughter Laura.

In Latvia, engagement is not only a moral category and a preparatory period before marriage, like others with matters related to marriage are regulated by the Civil Law, and engagement is included in the category of personal rights.

According to the law, betrothal is "a mutual promise to marry"

(Civil Law, Part 1, Article 26). this promise can only be expressed by the betrothed themselves in person, being able to act, the parents' agreement on the children's possible wedding is not binding in the sense of the law. Formal engagement is valid from the moment when the promise is made known to other persons, it is expressed in writing from the marital status at the time of submitting the application in the deed registration department or to a clergyman of the relevant denomination.

However, engagement is not a mandatory prerequisite for concluding a marriage and does not give the right to request a court-married marriage. Also, there is no contractual penalty in case someone refuses to marry. The law also does not define engagement the duration of the period.

If the betrothal is canceled or one of the betrothed withdraws from it, then the Civil Law deals with issues of a property nature; compensation for moral damage is not provided for in the law. "If the engagement is canceled or if someone engaged from it withdraws, each betrothed must return all property given to him by the other, his parents or another person due to intended marriage. The right to claim gifts does not pass to the heirs of the deceased donor, but to the claim brought by the deceased heirs can continue. Gifts do not have to be returned if the marriage does not take place because:

1. betrothed donor dead;
2. donor refused to marry without an important reason;
3. the behavior of the giver was an important reason for the other betrothed to refuse the marriage."
   (Civil Code Article 27 of Part 1).

"If one of the betrothed parties refuses to marry without an important reason or behaves in such a way that this behavior belongs to the other important reason for the betrothed to refuse the marriage, this last betrothed, his parents or persons who issued for the benefit of the betrothed, the guilty betrothed may be required to compensate the direct losses incurred by them due to the fact that they issued something or entered into some obligations in the prospect of a future marriage." (Article 28)

Claims arising from the annulment of an engagement are barred within one year, after which there is no possibility of recovery or gifts, nor possible lost profits. In addition, according to Latvian legislation, it is the duty to prove any facts to the person who refers to them.

Betrothal already existed in the ancient world. Historical sources record engagements in Ancient Egypt, Rome, In ancient Greece; the legal side of betrothal is also described in the Torah of Judaism.

Betrothal was like concluding a contract and agreeing on the conditions of marriage, the wedding that followed later was the result of this contract execution. Engagement ceremonies differed in different countries, but the essence was the same - it is a period of time from from the moment of the agreement, announced publicly, until the marriage.

Also, the tradition that is the most common today in connection with engagement - giving a ring to the bride - originated in ancient times, of course, they were not precious metal rings to begin with. In ancient Rome, the ring given by the groom could symbolize a woman's belonging to a man, in Ancient Greece the betrothed exchanged rings. This tradition is modernized still valid in modern Greece, the bridegroom and bride exchange rings engraved with the betrothed's name, the ceremony can also be led by a clergyman.

The most common engagement formula in modern Latvia is - a ring for the future wife, a proposal (mostly not public), announcement of engagement (with or without celebration - in the family circle)-,

and it is not significantly different from courtship and betrothal traditions in Europe and the USA.

Engagement announcements are being made more and more often in public space, and engagement celebrations are also becoming more popular, which were later widely reflected in social networks. But even if you have informed only your own about the decision to get married the closest, at least formally, the engagement has taken place.

As in other parts of the world, the traditions related to bets and marriages are very important to the ancient Latvians. important place, wedding was one of the most important events in a person's life, which completely changes the previous life and social status.

Marriages in the customs of the Latvian people are activities before the wedding. Of course, to a large extent, property relations are involved in them and obligations - the word "marriage" is closely related to the word "goods", therefore - during the covenant, when agreeing on the new couple's cohabitation, all property issues were also decided - the size of the dowry, in recent times - also the amount of money paid to the bride's parents to agree to the marriage. What is said in folk songs confirms that the spouses did not come empty-handed:

"Come here, little rascals,

I will give you my sister!

When you come, you bring

Two gold rings!”

When the consent of the future wife and her parents was received, the covenant followed - an agreement about the wedding. Boy and daughter changed rings ("I befriended a compatriot, the rings matched"); older traditions also mention that proposal could be not only giving a ring, but also removing the ring from the finger of the chosen daughter. for this the proposal had a legal basis, both parties considered the ring taken as a pledge that the daughter can get back, either by saying the word "yes" or by redeeming the ring or other jewelry given at the time of the bet to a guy, for money. There are also news about the bet brooches that the guy gave to the chosen one as a confirmation of what happened engagement. In Kurzeme, engagement brooches are shaped like two pairs of clasped hands, the other side of the brooch used to be engraved with an inscription - year and text. The daughter, accepting the proposal, gave the boy a pair of gloves - white fingerless ones with a pattern on the rim.

No matter how mercantile everything related to bets and marriages may sound, I still want to believe that feelings also had what significance already in those distant times. Because otherwise the folk song would have said:

"The leaf trembles in the garden;

In the breeze of a small wind;

Countryman's hand is shaking,

Making me young."

What is engagement to me?

Mainly, however, an emotional category - when those words have been spoken, when we have come to our senses and are ready inform others about it.

It is like the next stage of coexistence; yes, maybe a higher degree. So why shouldn't everyone know about it? And why so that everyone (well, not quite everyone, but loved ones, friends, colleagues) should not rejoice with us? Not because you have to, but because we want everyone to see, hear and know - we are and will be together!

But there are never and can never be too many holidays, and maybe in years, many, many years we will sit next to each other, let's look at the photos of those years and those celebrations, let's be silent and only from time to time ask each other: "Are do you remember?” And smiling together we will answer: "Yes, I remember..."
And the feeling, for both of us together supposedly, it will be the same as now, when I want to tell you and the whole world -

"I invoke your name, in the mornings, during the day, in the evenings, at night, in joys, in sorrows, in the crowd and in solitude, and - when there is no crowd, not loneliness when there is nothing. And every time your name sounds different.
I can say the whole world on your behalf and to address the whole world."

(O.Väetis)

Author of the article: LĪGA CIRULE