Jānis Brūns and Inta Brūna are personal growth inspirers and leaders of transformative seminars. They are also the authors of the BOOK OF LIFE idea and creators of a loving and harmonious family life. Going through painful life change processes themselves, they are devoted a lot of time and energy to their inner work. Living by their own rules, the two travel together the world, works with people and breaks the usual stereotypes of "normal" life. LĪGAVĀM invited Jānis and Inta to a conversation about successful relationships and how to create them.

Tell me, what is the secret of your relationship?

Jānis: It must be said that there is no one main secret, rather it is a kind of set when we we do many small things that add up to a big result.

Inta: I think one of the secrets of a relationship is having visionary goals when both people understand that they suit each other and want to be together in a year, ten years and for the rest of their lives. It is important that both people go towards one goal and would believe that it is possible at all, because when they have one goal, the problems that will come to them on the way, will always be solvable.

Jānis: Yes, it is important to commit and intend to spend this life together, without a plan "B". If people live in relationships with the idea that we will live and then see how things will turn out, it takes away energy and all processes in the relationship are put into question, there is neither clarity nor a sense of security. At all I can definitely say that relationships are, firstly, constant work with yourself and, secondly, setting common goals all throughout life.

Many people really want to experience the perfect relationship - how do you think you can get there?

Inta: In my opinion, a perfect relationship means something different to everyone. Probably the reason why people can't create them, is that they themselves don't know what they want. I think that everyone needs to see and understand who they are in his perception there is an ideal relationship model. If a person has not understood what it means for him to be loved, then he most often looking for some utopian love that he himself does not understand. If a person does not know what he is looking for, he will probably never find it will not find.

Jānis: in such cases, the subconscious connects, looking for those images that seem like love those closest to you, such as parents. That is why the ideal relationship must be clearly and precisely defined. I recommend to each his own describe in as much detail as possible, both on paper and on a feeling level, what his ideal relationship is and how he is planning to get there. It is also necessary to define for himself the qualities that he himself needs in order to be able to be in the ideal relationship. People are so often looking for the perfect partner, but have not defined themselves as the perfect man or a woman to someone else. We ourselves must first become the perfect partners, because we get not what we want, but what we ourselves are. We can only attract into this world what is within us in itself.

Why do you think many couples argue in their life together, cannot accept each other, constantly try to change?

Jānis: The reason for this is our emotional traumas that have not been dealt with. First, for everyone, who is in a relationship should understand that in reality you are never angry with your partner but this anger comes from childhood for insults, pain. If a mom or dad hurts their child in childhood, the resentment remains in that child, and every the next time a similar situation occurs in the future, this person will react in the same way.

Inta: People often say that all couples are already arguing, and Jānis and I usually laugh about it. It's a stereotype. People need emotions in relationships. If they don't know how to get these emotions through joy, humor, role-playing, then they choose the destructive and unhealthy tool that causes arguments, but most often this disputes are based on lack of attention from the other person. If the partner feels unappreciated and not given attention, then he looks for it in a destructive way, starting to argue. Both children and adults find a way to get themselves necessary attention.

Jānis: This means that people have to work with their emotional experiences - most often you have to forgive your parents. Every childhood experience must be discharged. In turn, the reason why people so often wants to change his partner, is that the person himself does not feel good enough, therefore he looks for factors that his life could be made better, and one such way is to try to change the partner. But as long as the real one the trauma will not heal, nothing will change. That is why you have to stop waiting for the other person, but work with yourself yourself. If you don't like what you see in your reflection, then you don't change the mirror, but change yourself so that the image for you I would like it in the mirror though. People need to understand the algorithm behind why they behave the way they do. Many people even not thinking about it, living as it is.

Inta: these things must also be discussed with a partner, acknowledging that I have certain childhood injuries, lack of a sense of security... The partner in this situation should find out how he can support the other, so these things need to be talked about beforehand. Jānis and I, for example, already agreed at the very beginning of our relationship that we are for each other let's not yell, let's not lash out and get by without any kind of relationship drama.

What do you think is a successful lifestyle, what are the prerequisites for two different personalities to be able to have one create?

Inta:  At the very beginning of the relationship, the couple should agree on what each wants, what the goals of the relationship are. It must be understood that in any case we each live our own life, not the life of the other person. To be for the other interesting throughout life, a person must be interesting himself. And this happens only if a person himself grows and is developing. If a person grows, he is always a bit unknown to the other person, while if he is unknown, then he remains interesting.

Jānis: In a relationship, it is definitely very important to communicate in a loving way.

Inta: It is very important to us personally that our relationship not be taken for granted. That for us helps to do different role plays, in this way we avoid the routine. Role-playing games introduce intrigue into relationships, passion, playfulness and humor. It can make your relationship much more glamorous.

Jānis: Of course, role playing doesn't mean that people should forget what their real life is like. They are simply an additional means that prevents the loss of passion, flirtation and intrigue.

How to show love in a relationship and also know how to receive love from each other?

Jānis: Love is hard to show when there is resentment. People often have a feeling of showing off love is not safe because someone can hurt you. In that case, a person closes his heart and has again must learn to open it in a safe place. If you can't do it at home, you can go to various seminars where there is a safe environment and allow yourself to help open the door of this heart. Love can neither be received nor given if we have closed our hearts the door, because love is first in oneself.

What do you think is the best way to prepare for a wedding and marriage?

Inta: The most important thing is not to follow all stereotypes, as you should, as you should and shouldn't. Must be discarded all the rush, you have to sit down in complete peace and feel what both want. Each partner should feel what will be the most perfect for him scenario, and that's how you should prepare for a wedding.

PHOTO: ANNIE VELDRE , CLYDE GROSS PANTS

Author of the article: LIENE PÄLĆA