Relationship between two people is formed from many and to various factors. Perhaps you have similar views, common hobbies, complement each other, enjoy each other you look at society and the future with a common vision. The most important unifying element is definitely love There is a belief that relationships in which there is harmony, peace and harmony are successful, while those in which the couple is arguing is likely to fail. Of course, if the above elements are missing, the relationship can be complicated. But even harmonious couples argue, and as it turns out, it's even healthy. LĪGAVĀM explains why dispute can be a solution in many situations.

Argue more

In a society where arguments are seen as harbingers of unhappy relationships, we often remain silent or give in the other's wishes. American relationship psychology researcher and book author Gary Lewandowski argues that most couples should argue more, not less. This does not mean deliberately looking for a reason for an argument, but but to indulge in discussion if at some point the thoughts do not agree. The author in his book Stronger Than You Think claims, that how often or rarely couples argue does not at all indicate the strength and durability of the relationship.

The Curse of Silence

Sometimes, avoiding an argument, we forget that if we don't say our thoughts out loud, the other person can perceive it as the norm, as well as misinterpret situations in the future. Lewandowski emphasizes that it is precisely the suppressed dispute that is the silent killer of relations. The researchers followed more than 1,500 for more than a week adult behavior. It found that while people felt better on the day they avoided an argument, the next day, they had decreased psychological well-being and increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone quantity. This in turn can lead to weight gain, mood swings and sleep disturbances.

Control is important

Other studies show that avoiding constructive conversations reduces the happiness of couples and worsens mutual communication. By seeing conflict as bad, avoiding it, and not discussing important aspects of life, we we do not allow the other to get to know us completely, to understand our desires and needs, which sooner or later can also lead to deterioration or breakdown of relationships.

A dispute is healthy only if it is constructive, based on facts and concerns a specific problem. Uncontrolled Shouting matches, reminiscing about long-ago absences and not listening to the other will certainly not make the relationship stronger. Gary Lewandowski emphasizes that too you have to know how to argue. Only a constructive discussion will have the desired result. Of course, in any dispute that concerns painful questions will be difficult to move away from emotions, however, they should not prevail.

In relation to business approach

For the hot-blooded and impulsive, who cannot imagine disputes without fireworks, the author recommends to try business approach. Unspoken questions, suppressed discussions and silences destroy business as partnerships . In business, we try to handle situations with a cool head mind, pronounce the most important, draw conclusions and avoid making old mistakes.

Speaking out strengthens the team.

this approach can also help in relationships. It is important to remember not only to point out the specific problem, to explain why are you dissatisfied, but listen to the other. A dispute is a two-way communication, only then will it have a result, while an argument without a result is a waste of time. If, however, there is a feeling that emotions will prevail, or in particular the topic has been the cause of arguments more than once, write what you have to say on paper. Divide what you have to say into several segments as well add justification. It is important to start the conversation when you are alone. The presence of third parties during the dispute never has not been beneficial.

Author of the article: ELISA RUDZİTE

Photo: NICOLE KIRSHNER

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