If you ask one of the wisest people in the world what is the meaning of life, they will answer you - happiness and love . So simple. To love from a pure soul and be able to feel happiness, without waiting for someone to bring it on a tray. Find happiness and love within yourself. When you love yourself, you're not the only one who will flourish yourself, but your husband, your children, your family, your appearance, your career...

LĪGAVĀM asked this question that fulfills the content of life - how to love yourself - to couple relationship specialist Zane Ozoliņa / @zaneozolina.lv

There is already a lot of talk about self-love, but it seems that a lot of people have difficulty to the bone to feel what self-love means, and healthy self-love is often considered by outsiders to be selfishness. What does it really mean to love yourself? 

There is really a lot of talk about self-love, but I think you can feel it to the bone only when a person doesn't will only listen to what it means, but will take real actions , steps towards self love .

Loving yourself means getting rid of ideals - about yourself, about others, and about the world. ideal - it's a fantasy, an idea, of what I should be in order to be accepted and liked. Someone must be the other, let him might be right for me and what he should be to have a cool relationship. In addition, the ideal is very important and an essential thing that a person cannot accept. Basically, it means fighting.

A person will always fight for ideals, and this creates endless experiences.

To love yourself means to understand yourself, to know yourself , to see your dark and light sides, to find between them harmony, not pushing something out and leaving something behind.

Loving yourself is not about a bubble bath or a glass of champagne in your spare time.

Yes, it is valuable to pamper yourself, but it does not mean that a person loves himself. It only indicates that he manage to find a moment to fill up with energy (and here it is important to really enjoy the process, not to do so to post a picture instagram - hey, I'm having a great rest). Energy replenishment - a very important part of self love. But from the beginning you have to get to know yourself and find out what is really right for me, for me for my body, my spirit, my individuality. We often see what others are doing and repeat the same thing without delving into myself, my motives - which are my deep true "why I do it", "what that's what I get from it" .

Loving yourself means knowing and being able to set personal limits - for your time, your energy, sexuality, personality, intellectuality, emotionality, physical space and one's feelings. Personal boundaries are important to every human being and often we allow them to be violated because we have not been taught to respect them or to understand It is difficult to talk about self love if we constantly put others people's needs above their own , even if they are children, husband, mom or dad. Thus we we use up our strength, we give our energy to others and we have nothing left - neither ourselves nor our goals for realization. Then the foam bath is such a little joy in the daily run.

Loving yourself means getting to know yourself, discovering your talents, realizing them in life and enjoying what you have created.

Speaking of the fact that healthy self-love is mistaken for selfishness - yes, it really is. And it has to do with to outdated beliefs that "only a life lived for the benefit of others is worth living". So is this has to do with the fact that when we set our own personal boundaries by putting ourselves first, others who are used to the fact that we respond even before we have been called for help, it becomes very inconvenient and disadvantageous. When we begin to put our needs first, those who are used to having their needs come first to us because we wanted to please and be good in the eyes of others, it will be considered selfishness. It is good to be aware of, to understand and don't let yourself be influenced by it.

What changes when a woman falls in love with herself?

A woman gains inner peace and harmony. It is easy for her to express herself and be among other people to be with yourself. She is full of resources and energy, she feels herself and knows how much she can give and how much she is want to keep for themselves. She knows what she can bring to a relationship as a woman and knows what she wants from a man. A woman who loves herself, respects herself and respects others . She never does anything out of pity for others, feel no guilt. She lives through love and development , not through fear and insecurity.

How can I allow myself to believe that love begins in me, for myself, and only then can I fully give it to another? Unfortunately an exaggerated sense of responsibility towards others is mixed with true, pure love.

Only when I have fulfilled myself, created love in myself through self-acceptance, liberation from ideals, cognition, awareness of personal space and boundaries, I will be able to build a fulfilling relationship - with a partner, with friends, with people around. Only when my vessel is full can I drink from it for the other .

If we put others as a priority, allow ourselves to cross our limits, do not realize our talents - we will always be dissatisfied - consciously and unconsciously. Likewise, when I give to the other person, but I don't have anything myself - it's always like that relationships, both with a partner and with other people, will be based on "user love". What this mean? I give to the other, but he must give me something in return. Respectively - I demand, wait, and get angry, if I don't expect it. On the other hand, if I give through love and the abundance that is in me, then I don't expect anything in return, and I always receive - if not through the specific person, then it comes to me in any other way back. This is a paradox.

There is always something else hidden under the "exaggerated sense of responsibility" - this expectation that if I invest in all others, it will somehow come back to me. It turns out that a person does things through earning - he loves to earn love, cares to earn care, gives to earn gifts. As a result - dissatisfaction, because below this everything is high expectations from others, and it is a burden - both for the person himself and for those around him.

The life of a husband, children, family also changes when a woman, wife, mother falls in love with herself, right?

Of course - they only gain from it. A man is happy when he sees a satisfied woman next to him. Children gain from what they see happy and fulfilled mom.

Life changes, because when a woman is filled, filled , with "full of dishes", she is much more qualitative both in her relationship with her partner and in her relationship with for children . The "user love" mentioned above disappears, and full of love is formed relationships that are based on values and on benefits through healthy partner interactions.

Please suggest practical steps to love yourself!

1. The first and the most important step is - to realize and abandon ideals . Ideally, it interferes with seeing yourself, your partner and the world - as it is. All ideals are those that begin with "must be"... In order to be loved, I must be... in order to be accepted, I must be... in order for me to fulfill my position, i have to be...and so on. The same for a partner - someone should be my partner, and the same for everything the rest.  it is valuable to write down these ideals, to get acquainted with what are my imagined ideals, which are bothering me to realize and accept myself as I am, accept my partner and accept the world around me.
2. The other - to create my own personal boundaries , which I do not allow others to violate and which I did not violate to other people either. Starting with my time and energy, which I don't share when it conflicts with for my own needs. Sticking to them very strictly and not making deviations.
3. Third - put your needs first . Both in relationships with loved ones and with other people. But there is a line between selfishness and love for yourself and others. Selfishness is when I thinking only of myself, not taking into account the needs of others and violating other people's boundaries. On the other hand, if I act through respect and love, I evaluate what is important to me and take into account the needs of others - finding the most convenient form of cooperation from which both parties gain. So if I want to go out for a walk around forest, but my partner had planned a day together, I share that this time in the fresh air is important to me, I I will feel happy if I can do it and asked if my partner will find a job during this time. Agreeing that I would like to spend the rest of the day together. And the like. It is important not to give up your desires and ideas with the idea of ​​pleasing the other and submitting. Because submission, stifling one's needs leads to frustrations.

It is essentially self-surrender.

Children, housework, partner - these are usually reservations. We can always find time and opportunities for ourselves for love and improvement. It is only necessary to understand that we also have our advantage not to look for it. Always beneath the fact that we find reservations, there are some hidden benefits. To look for what I like, to learn and understand myself - that however, there is a way and it is not possible with the flick of a switch. So some of the hidden benefits could be like this: I can stay in my comfort zone, in my comfort. I can find someone to pity for the fact that it is difficult, that there is no time to nothing. I can do nothing and change nothing.

Therefore - another important aspect is - to admit to myself what is my benefit - not to change anything. And then make a decision - or well, leave everything as it is, but don't regret it. Or - create and look for opportunities, be determined to take steps, to discover and open to the new. For love for yourself and the world.

None of us came to this world to suffer. Each of us has a task to love and be loved.

Author of the article: IEVA KRASTIņA

Photo: JOVANA RIKALO , NATALIA DREPINA

Visual content artist: KSENIJA BELCA-BESLER

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