This may seem like a strange question. We want our loved one to be honest with us, and we try to be that way ourselves. This is the way to a deep and powerful relationship . And it is also a process - learning to be true.

But what if you honestly ask yourself a question - am I really ready for one hundred percent honesty from a loved one? Am I ready to receive it?

There are so many white lies and frames imposed by society in modern human life that we don't even think about how acute the lack of truth reigns in our personal life, first of all, in relationships with ourselves, and in relationships with partners, friends, family, colleagues. Everywhere. Therefore, bringing truth and authenticity to life is both a challenge and an unfathomably surprising and life-changing magnitude. Everything changes! How authentic are you to yourself? How often do you reject your feelings, suppress your desires for the sake of other people's goals and desires? So that you can "be good" to everyone? So as not to look selfish?

By thinking about these questions and answering yourself honestly, you will discover for yourself whether you are really being honest. Are you really living your authentic life? The one where there is no outside pressure. The one in which only you are the determiner. It's hard to be honest at first. Many people don't like it, because they are used to seeing you differently, counting on your reactions, counting on the finger pointing. But when the first steps between the threshold of synthetic and authentic life are taken, you come to freedom. To be true is to be free. To be true in a relationship is to build a relationship based on love and respect, where there is no "being together" built on expediency.

It is a path of healing and growth. But to be able to build such a relationship, you need courage and an understanding that synthetics are no longer meaningful. What can it give you? We are so used to living lies to ourselves that it is already like an unconscious state, and we cling to relationships in which we do not even want to be that way from the heart, but we do not leave because we are afraid of something - that we will be alone, that we will not be able to cope, that we will cause pain to the other person... The truth is the key that frees us from everything unnecessary.

Truth, openness and honesty - this is not about elementary trust and confidence at the superficial level, but at a very deep level. When you risk losing the image of the ideal woman or the ideal man. If a man is genuine, he doesn't pretend to be the stereotypical invulnerable alpha male in all areas. He is so brave that he can reveal his pain and his fears to his beloved. Your vulnerable part. And this is exactly what real masculinity is. Be able to notice, see and express the fragile part in yourself. Real, deep truth in a relationship is the highest degree of intimacy.

Men are taught not to recognize their feelings. And although we live in the information age, where elementary knowledge of psychology is available to everyone, there are still parents who stubbornly and cruelly insist to their little boys, in whom the sensitive part is still alive and active, that boys do not cry. And that's how we lose the huge potential of empathy that men have. And this is exactly how a man isolates himself and avoids acknowledging the unconscious feminine part in himself - the anima. The woman also has the unconscious male part, the animus, but with this, you do better in practice.

Doesn't a man lose his attractiveness in the eyes of a woman when he reveals his vulnerable part? Does a woman lose lust when she sees a man's sensitivity? Or vice versa? On cursory observation, the first version will come true. But if a woman is intelligent, familiar with life and empathetic, sensitivity can turn into the greatest masculinity. Here, too, balance and harmony are important, both for one and for the other.

How to learn to build real relationships?

• Get to know your authentic self and your desires

You cannot be honest in a relationship (neither with a loved one, nor with family, nor with friends, nor at work, nor in society) if you are not honest with yourself. You can't be honest with yourself if you don't know yourself. So the first job is to know yourself. The next step is to follow your heart's calling. The language of the heart, which is intuition, always tells ahead. The mind challenges. But the mind is not smart enough to consider its arguments.

• Respect and accept the loved one as an individuality

Each of us has our own vision, our own upbringing, life and relationship experience, our own interests and desires. Relationships are interactions, but each of us in them is an individuality, a personality with an opinion, feelings, emotions. In order to develop a healthy relationship in which you feel true, be true and respect the other's sincerity, you must deeply understand your loved one as an individuality, and his views will not always coincide with ours. There is a difference between a disagreement where you discuss and listen to the other person's point of view, and do so without judgment, but with an open heart and mind, and an argument where the goal is to win.

• Do what you say

In order to have lasting trust in a relationship, it is essential to be honest and responsible for one's words. Let them coincide with the works. Words have no meaning when deeds show a different picture. If you claim that honesty and openness are important to you in a relationship, but in reality you will do the opposite, the beautiful idea of ​​true and intimate (close) relationships will have failed miserably.

• Do not judge

In order for your loved one to be able to reveal his most intimate feelings and thoughts, experiences, pain and other feelings that make us vulnerable, you must clearly show that you are the person with whom he can feel safe. That you will accept. You will not judge. You will not judge. You won't laugh. You will listen through love and heal through love.

Author of the article: Ieva Simanovića