We live in an era when no one is immune from depression. Stress, eternal running, many jobs and not being in harmony with yourself take their toll and each of us can end up at the door of this disease. We hear a lot about depression, but is there really such a thing as post-wedding depression? Is it possible to feel bad after such a positive and loving event? And if there is, then why? We asked psychotherapist Ansim Jurģis Stabingis all these questions.

What exactly is post-wedding depression?

Post-wedding depression can be called a condition that manifests itself as depression, mourning, powerlessness and which has started after the wedding. Clinically, such depression is not classified, but it is found in life. Other depressions can be similar, appearing after a long-awaited, positive event, followed by disappointment, emptiness and perhaps even bitterness.

Why do you think people end up in this situation at all? Especially after such a happy event as a wedding...

In my opinion, people do not understand and do not know themselves. Unaware of how their mind and emotions work. And I'm not talking about academic knowledge here - psychology or anything like that. But about everyday, very personal self-knowledge.

Often we expect a lot from a future event - in this case from a wedding - and then, when everyday life has arrived, we are disappointed because the expectations are not fulfilled - the reality turns out to be different than we expected.

Consequently, we do not accept that reality is the way it is, but cling to our dream, illusion, hope and begin to mourn that reality is different from what we imagined.

It is hard to understand that this is possible after such a happy event as a wedding...

Let's start with the fact that happiness is not in events, including weddings. Ironically, this ignorance – lack of understanding – is hidden in the very question of asking a wedding to be a “happy event”. A wedding is simply an event, like many other events. If we immediately call a wedding a "happy event", then we have already created an expectation of what it should be. At the same time, we create expectations for what is to come, which is also beautifully illustrated in many, many fairy tales - where the main characters overcome all kinds of difficulties and at the end of the story "lived happily ever after". If we also think that way about ourselves, then we are mistaken in that

wedding is not the end of a story, but the beginning of a new story. And further will be very different.

Unfortunately, people expect this "happily ever after" and are disappointed when washing dishes, sharing responsibilities, financial difficulties, relationships with relatives begin. When it starts to rain in the field, all the "cockroaches" who had disguised themselves as "butterflies" for the time of falling in love.

I think that if an event is happy, then it should be purely logically and naturally happy compared to something else - that's why nature supplies not so happy events, such as divorce, post-wedding depression and the like, for balance. But these are also just events. Neither happy nor unhappy. Simple events.

Sometimes it is not easy to perceive a wedding as just one of the events of life, if you have spent so much time planning and waiting for it...

It's true - weddings are often the climax. The bride is the most beautiful, people are dressed in the best clothes, speak the best words, give gifts, smile and rejoice. The young couple is in the center of attention, everyone pays attention to them, says good things. It is paradise on earth. But this state cannot continue because it is only for a short time. If the young people do not realize this and unconsciously expect that everything will be as bright as during the wedding or the period of falling in love, then disappointment will inevitably follow and post-wedding depression is possible.

How can post-wedding depression be prevented?

Coming back to myself. Realizing that everything that happens in life is meant for me. Accepting, forgiving. Thanks, drawing conclusions and moving on.

The help of a professional would be necessary in the event that you cannot cope on your own and the usual self-help methods no longer work. There are still stereotypes in society that those who visit a psychotherapist/psychologist's office are crazy or a bit crazy. However, this is decreasing and more and more people, both individually and in pairs, are seeking help. The duration of the therapy is different in each case, and the therapy addresses all the problems that arise between the couple. The main thing that would be necessary is that both of them want to come together and do something for their relationship. And even if the couple doesn't always stay together, couples therapy can at least help them break up respectfully.

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