The reasons why we are with a certain partner are not always psychologically explainable. Sometimes it can be considered a beautiful miracle or fate. However, for a miracle to happen, a person must be ready to accept this gift of life. Self-assessment plays a big role in choosing our partner. Self-esteem determines what we think about ourselves, how we treat others, and even more interestingly, how much love we are ready to receive.

How we treat ourselves, what we think about ourselves, what we consider "deserving", we also attract that. A healthy self-esteem attracts a respectful partner. In addition, healthy relationships raise self-esteem. On the other hand, if there is a lack of self-love and appreciation, we indulge in toxic or unworthy relationships. Anyone can meet a person who will be ready to act disrespectfully. But the most important question: what do we do with it? Allow or not.

If your partner acts disrespectfully, there is a choice: talk about how you feel, explain what is acceptable to you and what is not. Next, observe - is what you say taken into account and what is done about it? If so, great, because there is room for growth in relationships and in you as a person. If not, there is always a choice to refuse such a relationship and an unworthy partner. Ask yourself: How would you feel knowing that you will spend another 30 years in this relationship?

Self-esteem determines your relationship attraction

Have you heard about relationship attraction? The type of attachment reveals how you form emotional bonds, whether you consider yourself valuable and worthy of love, whether you trust other people and how safe you feel in the world.

There are different types of relationship attachments: safe attachment , where both partners are aware of their value, respect and love both themselves and their neighbor, trust their partner, every day everyone deals with their own tasks, goals, hobbies; anxious attraction , where a person feels dependent on the other, in control, wants to call and write too often, because otherwise he does not feel safe, he needs continuous affirmations of attention, value and need, all attention is focused on the beloved, forgetting about individual wishes and interests; and avoidant attachment , where the avoidant partner avoids true emotional intimacy and closeness for fear of experiencing pain.

The type of attachment is formed already in our childhood family - depending on what kind of relationship we saw between our parents and how our parents communicated with us. Did we feel seen, noticed, felt, accepted. As adults, it's our job to notice how we feel about ourselves and the world, understand where it's rooted, and then decide what to do with it. If you feel that something is not going well in your relationship, career or other areas of life, it's time to stop and look - what are my views and what can I do differently, initially paying attention to loving myself and learning to communicate in a healthy way. Because the main task of life is to be happy and enjoy! And that's a choice too.

Self-esteem or attitude towards yourself determines how you will build relationships. If your self-esteem is low, but life offers wonderful, safe, meaningful relationships, your self-esteem can sabotage these relationships if you are characterized by avoidant attachment in relationships, or "suffocate" the other person, especially as you cling to them, if you are characterized by anxious attachment. Therefore, if you are not ready for a deep and meaningful relationship, the opportunity may come, but it will be difficult to keep it. That is why it is so important to work on self-esteem before you are in a relationship.

Self-esteem is like a brick on which the most important areas of our life are built - both relationships and career. Self-esteem also determines how many happy steps you take in life, because a person who respects himself is aware that everyone has value and knows very well that we are solely responsible for the quality of our life and our choices.

Scientific studies confirm the link

The interaction of self-esteem with romantic relationships is a topic that has been scientifically researched. A link between good self-esteem and how satisfied a person is with their relationship has been confirmed. And here we must return to the above - a conscious person makes choices and knows that he is responsible for how his life will develop; he knows that it is not the fault of the partner, the neighbor or the mother in a failed relationship. Good self-esteem is equal to the ability to take responsibility and do something about it if the situation is not satisfactory. Relationships are affected by communication skills, emotions, stress and practical tests, but how you deal with them is determined by personal experience and personality traits, and self-esteem is an aspect that can be worked with, that can be cultivated.

Your self-esteem determines how satisfied you will be with your relationship. Even the potentially most beautiful relationship can be ruined by low self-esteem. It may seem - how so? A person with low self-esteem will distrust, doubt, seek proof of their worth, or simply be unhappy. This is the road to the death of a relationship. You have to make yourself happy first - before the relationship - so that you can then share this happiness in a beautiful relationship.

To build a close relationship, you must have a good relationship with your self-esteem

Until we are ready to open up, relationships are also superficial. They can become really close and deep the moment you decide to let go. When you are open about what you feel and have the courage to be vulnerable. Because in openness there is a risk of experiencing pain, which can manifest itself, for example, as rejection. It's human to feel bad when you're rejected because it's not a pleasant experience. But vulnerability is the path to depth and realness.

A healthy relationship with self-esteem is needed both to be able to be close, and also to be able to continue to be individual, personality in the relationship. Like the ability to be emotionally intimate, the ability to be autonomous is necessary for relationships to thrive and prosper. If each of us is interesting to ourselves, then naturally we are also interesting to our partner.

How low self-esteem affects relationships

If you or your partner have low self-esteem, there may be difficulties:

• Trust;
• Emotionally support your partner;
• Know your limits and know how to keep them;
• Identify disrespectful treatment;
• Accept compliments;
• To open up emotionally;
• Communicate openly.

Perfectionism, fear of challenges, questioning the partner's intentions, perceiving constructive criticism as an attack, fear of rejection and emotional distancing can also indicate low self-esteem.

What to do to make the relationship work?

If you recognize yourself in the mentioned examples, you know that it is within your power to act to change it. Relationships are the ultimate platform for self-growth, and being in a relationship is a great opportunity to boost your self-esteem.

How to regain healthy self-confidence in a relationship?

• Treat yourself like a neighbor.

You are your closest! This must be remembered. Treat yourself kindly, sensitively. Motivate when needed and support when a rest break is needed. Make time for your interests outside of the relationship.

• Practice talking about your feelings.

Open communication is essential in all close relationships, and it will teach you to feel safe even in a vulnerable emotional state. In addition, if you share your feelings with your partner, your partner will be able to understand how to support you. You are a team!

• Understand your limits.

Talk to yourself - what is permissible for you and what is not? When you are aware of your limits, talk about them with your partner. You don't have to pamper your partner to "keep" him, you don't have to try to guess what he expects from you. It needs to be talked about. And you have to talk about your wishes and needs.

• Notice compliments and support.

Will pay attention to compliments, thanks and support received from the partner. What we focus on grows and multiplies.

A healthy self-esteem is the basis for a happy life. It follows from this what kind of people we invite into our lives, what working relationships we choose, where we are heading and where we are. We are where we are good and there is a drive to grow!

Author of the article: Ieva Simanoviča