While drinking my morning coffee, I opened my facebook "page" and news, pictures and comments about a publication in which.... a man publicly regrets an earlier sidestep and asks his family for forgiveness. Okay. Brave even, I thought. On the other hand, the public discussion in the comments of the article did not judge everything so unambiguously, throwing the man's name here in the barrel of a pitiful man/scumbag/fraudster, here of a heartless person who craves publicity. Of course, there was no shortage of supporters and people paying their respects. In any case, what he said did not leave indifferent many eager to speak publicly.  I closed the website, drank the already cooled coffee, but a bitter aftertaste remained in my mouth. About the PUBLIC request for forgiveness made PUBLICLY. I believe that each of us has had (and will have!) situations in our lives when we are really guilty, have made a gross mistake in front of someone. Having done an irrevocable, irrevocable action, which like a huge pile of dung is standing suffocatingly in the middle of the room, waiting for you to start. How will you sweep.

The fact is that we all make mistakes, so one of the most important, most essential lessons in life is the ability to ask for forgiveness and forgive ourselves. And it doesn't even matter whether turning over a new page in your life or gluing together the torn one.

First of all, let's remind ourselves - why forgive?

There is a precious, special bond between every two lovers who are closely related to each other.

And forgiveness says that the two of you and this bond you share are “worth it” to forgive.

That you are important enough to take such a step. Second, forgiveness is at the heart of true, non-selfish love. When we choose to forgive someone who has wronged us (and vice versa…), we choose to love them forever. On the other hand, if forgiveness, in our opinion, is impossible, then this impossibility becomes our self-built "Berlin Wall" for love and its potential. Third, only forgiveness can truly free our hurting, wounded souls, letting go of anger, hatred, revenge, and other poisonous reins. Otherwise, destroyed relationships and lost feelings are the lesser of evils, because the tumor of hatred will continue to gnaw at us until we are forced to meet it face to face, however late and long unpleasant this encounter may be.

To truly be able to forgive one another, one must truly understand the nature of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is NOT accepting or encouraging negative, judgmental behavior. It is self-healing and a conscious choice to move ON without tying yourself on a short leash in the middle of a barren field.

Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. I've heard the words "forgive and forget" many times.. In my opinion, it's even more unrealistic than licking your elbow freely (excuse my joke, sometimes you just have to answer stupid statements with others - just as stupid - to expose them properly..). Our brains are not designed to forget painful life experiences, and for good reason.  Frank Hubbard owns the saying "No one ever forgets where they buried their hatchet". Ultimately, through these experiences we can grow in strength and mind.

"Forgiveness is not an excuse or an absolution of another. Nor is it a pretense or a benevolent gesture for the 'offender'. Forgiveness is not a brutal gesture of the will. Nor does it take away our identity, our special nature or face. It does not absolve the offender of his responsibilities, whether he acknowledges them or not.." (William Menninger)

..For the rest of the day, I remembered the stories of strong marriages that were sealed by the sidestep of one or the other spouse, but continued for many years, bringing the spouses closer and causing them to have more respect and humility for their relationship. I also remembered my own mistakes, for which I am still paying, unable to sleep in dark evenings and thinking about "what if" paths.. And wrongs to those closest to me that I could not forgive myself, while bowing my head in respect and silent admiration for those hearts that do not keep me in the nets of evil, but have long since given me the freedom to live on.

How strong would we be if our biggest and ugliest mistakes, sidesteps, our dung and messes were printed on the pages of the latest news; if we had to give a public account of them, and the weight of our pain would be added to by the scorn and scorn of strangers?

And how much about us is told not by falls, but by the ability and skill to get up after them?

Sometimes we ourselves like to dwell on both our own and other people's suffering, instead of taking a second look at everything we see/hear/feel. On the other hand.

p.s. "Only once a broken heart is truly capable of loving", said a wise man, who was later quoted (but have you heard?) by many.

Author of the article: Dārta Daneviča

Photo from publicity materials