Let's talk about a completely feminine, emotionally intimate and powerful topic - women sexuality . What exactly is sexual energy and how to use it to your advantage, LĪGAVĀM asked the writer of romantic erotic bestsellers Karina Rachko (books “Dirty” , “Bound” , “Corrupted” , “Sky in Ashes” , “Torn lace” ).

The question of what is a woman's sexuality tends to be looked at differently. How do you see it?

This is internal energy. In my view, sexuality is awareness of one's body, desires, feelings and acceptance. Sexuality is highly correlated with emotional freedom.

It is known that sexual energy is a creative force. Why is it beneficial to be aware of yourself as a sexual being?

Without realizing, knowing and accepting our sexuality, we do not realize the potential of your life. Sexual energy is a huge force, it gives joy of life, fighting spirit and power in almost everything spheres of life.

Why should women learn to talk openly about what they want in an intimate relationship? And why does it happen in life? on the contrary - women confess that they tend to hide their desires, not experiencing what they really want?

Both women and men tend to suppress their sexual desires. I hear from readers that it is very common problem, although I personally still don't fully understand it. Logically, the main thing is openness the obstacle is the fear of not being understood or rejected, but does fear have a place in partnerships? It seems to me logically, relationships start with passion and lust, so - if everything was fine in the initial stages, where is this the harmony disappears? If partners trust each other, why is openness in the sexual sphere difficult?

I don't believe in emotional intimacy without sexual intimacy.

In my opinion, if it is difficult to afford to be completely honest with your closest person, this closeness is not real at all. I also believe that the emotional and sexual quality of a relationship is a personal choice and a conscious decision - there is always an opportunity to start solving problems, talk with a partner, share your feelings. Openness breeds openness. At the same time, I have realized - there are people who are used to living in insufficiency. Not only in the sexual sphere, but in general. It is as if they are dissatisfied, complaining about the conditions, but at the same time they are not at all ready to take active action to change something.

That means it's actually comfortable the way it is.

What do we lose by not being open and true to ourselves?

Quality of life. Thoroughbred.

There are life wisdoms, habits that we can implement in our daily relationship in order to maintain the fire of passion in it - compliments, regular dates even after 10, 20 and 30 years of marriage.  You are a happy woman in marriage. What are your recommendations for brides?

When I hear various suggestions around how not to lose the feeling that was at the beginning of the relationship, to a certain extent it seems hypocritical - to cultivate the belief that even after years it can be exactly the same as at the beginning. Relationships changes and feelings change, it's a normal course of life. People years later are not the same as they were before in front of the altar and exchanged vows. I think it is important to be aware of this in order to avoid being mistaken expectations of what a long-term marriage is like.

It is a cynical, yet true saying that a long love phase with raging hormones a person would not be able to endure at all and would perish.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to predict in advance how successful and happy a long-term relationship will be. It is important to change and grow in the same direction, maintaining a common world vision and values, because otherwise it is inevitable is alienation.

In my opinion, one of the most difficult arts in a long-term relationship is being able to truly see a partner. Because we are interrupting look at each other. We get used to the fact that the other person is with us, it will be tomorrow and the day after, we stop this person to assess the presence. Therefore, the most important thing I can recommend: try not to forget - the fact that you are loved does not exist self-explanatory.

Do you think it is possible to restore passion, to see your partner as desirable, if you have entered into a relationship self flow?

this is not a straightforward question. Of course, the routine can be worked on if both partners are interested and ready make time for it. There are cases when from one or both parties this interest disappears, then unfortunately it must be admitted that the passion has died. Also, the mechanisms for promoting lust are different and, I admit, for each couple individually - it helps someone a romantic evening in double solitude and sexy underwear, for others - sexual experiments, for someone else - distancing to check if the distance will shorten.

Marriage for life . It's a moot point if there are bigger ones in the relationship complications of daily scabies. Do you always need to fix what's broken?

I believe that what is broken cannot be fixed at all.

If love is lost, it cannot be brought back. Even if other relationship qualities remain - mutual respect, friendship... This is exactly what I am currently writing about in the new book. Then the relationship becomes a kind of transaction - people stick together because it is simply convenient and common. In it at the same time, I'm not saying it can't live. You can, and that's exactly what a lot of people do. There is no double life either nothing unusual. I do not believe that the other partner does not feel such things - of course, on the condition that it is still about marriage some interest has remained. So it is profitable to pretend not to see and not to understand. Everyone already chooses the most convenient for him model, and if it is acceptable to both partners, there is no point in judging from the outside how right or wrong it is. Everything is subjective.

Tell us about your pampering rituals!

Sport is an integral part of my life. Feeling strong is very important to me, and physical strength resonates with mental comfort. I'm very upset that I can't attend sports due to Covid restrictions weed - this ban affects my quality of life the most and most negatively of all feeling of self. It was during Covid that I realized that solitude, loneliness is very important to me. To be undisturbed only with yourself and your thoughts - these are moments of luxury. More practical self-pampering massages are definitely a ritual.

Author of the article: IEVA KRASTIņA

Photo: KOSHUMM, INTA LANKOVSKA, LIENE PETERSONE

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