When we get married very young or inexperienced, it seems that love is enough. However, in order for love not to collapse like a clumsily built house of cards, there must be clear, concrete and solid foundations.

Falling in love is a magnetic spell that brings a couple together. But it may not turn into love. And the love that has been created can be torn apart if one of the following building blocks of the relationship building is missing, without which the feelings are not worthy of the word love. Passion. Maybe. Passion. Maybe. Codependency. Maybe. A habit. Yes. But not love.

Clear direction

Where are you going? Where is your journey going? Are you looking at the same beacons? Because there are many lights. And it's not that the green ones are worse than the yellow ones. They are simply different and take different paths. Therefore, at the beginning of the journey, find out if you are looking at the same lighthouse and which way you will go.

A young family with several small children who are each other's playmates? The new dad who doesn't separate male and female roles, but creates an environment where you both care equally? A couple of travelers who will spend the next 10-15 years exploring the world? Two businessmen who occupy sought-after positions in the market and support each other in the process? Country or city? Home or work? Shared or separate responsibilities? Wishes for the next five years?

They say - to test the relationship, you need to do repairs together. And it's really a healthy way to get to know each other not only in comfort and joy, but also in small challenges.

Respect

The fact that there should be respect in a relationship seems self-evident - a lot has been said about it. But can we really do it? We can learn respect by observing it towards ourselves - to draw boundaries where someone tries to cross them, to respect our needs and also important desires and pulls in life, not to blame ourselves, not to demand. Exactly the same as how we show respect to the other person. If we understand.

Notice where you don't respect yourself. Modern times are wonderful with the availability of information. Read, learn and practice doing things differently.

Learns to communicate

The cornerstone of a successful relationship. So many relationships and even feelings of love are razed to the ground because of the absence of this at once elementary and at the same time so complex (to be learned) skill. I think you mean. We often interpret what is said inadequately, misunderstand and believe our misunderstanding. We fantasize about the bad that never happened and never will happen. Acting out dramas that actually take place only in our minds.

But there is one good trick to find out the reality: ask!

The ability to look at yourself from the outside

It is self-knowledge. By getting to know ourselves, it will be easier to learn to understand and humanely accept the other, or not to accept what should not be accepted. And no one of us is a perfect and perfect partner. We each come with our own special suitcase. To accept one's own peculiarities is considered by many to be courage. Why should it be natural?

Take a real look at yourself. Analyze your life events and relationship choices and accept honestly what the decisions that were born through the prism of your perception have created from all of this? Where have injuries and paternalism guided the decisions, where irresponsibility and frivolity, where tension and refusal to live?

Where are you playing ?

Presence and support

Human warmth and companionship is one of the main factors why people form relationships. Being in a relationship is natural, even biologically necessary. A hug is not only important for our emotions - it affects the nervous system thanks to mirror neurons. On us, adults, although we are able to regulate our emotions as well, a hug has the same effect as on babies - the excited nervous system "feels" calm and imitates the calm nervous system, thus the person calms down and relaxes. We need each other physically, emotionally and spiritually. We are not meant to be alone. And we have never been like that.

Also - an honest presence in which we are really there, listen, understand, support and encourage, encourage, express compliments and kind words - is very important for our sense of self and self-worth. Like a safe island to be in even during a storm.

Peace and feeling of home

"I like you, but I don't click", declared the man with whom we spent a wonderful day. Open to themselves and each other, honest, open to the bone and passionate about conversations, from everyday trivia to life experiences and spiritual beliefs. We bathed in presence, pleasant emotions and physical pleasure for each other. I associate him with peace, if asked to name it in one word. But he was looking for a click and that was the end of our story…

He did not know that the click is what takes a person to emotional swings and short-term passion. Or several. But it never leads home. It does not lead to peace.

However, for a relationship to be successful in the long term, peace and a sense of home are needed. What we often pass by, worrying about the speed of the bullet train in the next corner.

Would you be happy in the long run in a house of permanent chaos?

Understanding that we are not just the body and emotions

Relationships have ups and downs, and in the most critical moments it helps to know that we are more than the body and chemistry in the brain. We are spiritual beings. You can believe in the soul world, eternity, the experiences we came for, new age, karma, spiritual practices, India, Zeus, Laima, God, religion… Any of these, really anything, helps you get through the moments when you lose faith in relationships, meaning, purpose, reasons, power. Because it all comes back to faith - that there are bigger reasons for your experience and your relationship, this person in your life. We are more and we are not alone. Not even a relationship.

Falling in love brings us together. The further path is a choice that we make together - whether falling in love will become love. And how we will build, honor and keep love alive. Because love is everything, it is everywhere, but at the same time so elusive... in a person. If you have met it, love, respect and honor it. And the wise use the bricks that will protect the holy house of love.

Author of the article: Ieva Simanoviča