What is the secret to a long-term relationship? To each its own, as many pairs, as many answers. However, one of the wisdoms is: don't buy the potential, but what this person already is.

Undoubtedly, each of us has the potential to grow and develop. But heartache and disappointment come when we expect things to happen exactly as we have envisioned in our minds. Sometimes thinking about the potential of a loved one and, therefore, waiting for him to become the image of dreams suffers defeat, relationships break up. Because in your thoughts you marry or are with what you fantasize about, not what is in reality. Think: are you ready to be with this person for the rest of your life even if he doesn't change?

To "fix" or heal your partner, to think, which could rather be called fantasizing, that "he will change" - this is a trip down the straight line. If you want a healthy, beautiful relationship, it starts with loving and accepting your chosen one exactly as he is right now. This does not mean turning a blind eye to bad behavior or the lack of it, but realizing that we all have our bright and dark sides. There is no such perfectly polished olish among people. We are all learning and improving little by little. And the next step is to support him on his way to become the best version of himself . Accept this person without reproach. The beloved person we let into our life is not just the chemistry of feelings, a crazy love that we cannot control. It is a conscious choice!

Take responsibility

When we criticize a loved one and complain about our unfulfilled expectations, in reality the problem is no longer with this person. You have to look at yourself! Why have you chosen to be with a person you don't actually accept, respect and love? These are cases where the critic himself has not grown up. This is the "everyone's fault but me" position of the child. You have to take responsibility for every choice you make. If you see that even after several discussions with your partner, nothing changes, you have done everything you could. There is no point in complaining, whining.

If you understand that nothing will change and your partner does not want to take a step towards you in order for your relationship to be or become enjoyable, if it is not the case that you interact from the perspective of equal partners who lift each other up and not sink, maybe it is time to leave such a relationship? Leaving is also taking responsibility. We cannot influence the other person's actions if he himself does not have the desire to develop for the better. But we own the choice of what we do with it.

Look at what is done, not listen to what is said

The simplest and most effective "trick" to test the true intentions of the person you choose is to take into account what he does, not what he says. Teikt var daudz. You can promise a lot. But is even a fraction of what was said being implemented? Do the words match the deeds? Are words greater than deeds? If the other party confirms to you that he is ready to change thing x or do things differently, but does not and does not do it, then you know that he will never do it.

Grow together

What does relationship give us? In fact, it's easier to be alone than to deal with relationship issues. However, relationships give us so much - presence, love, support, sharing joys and pleasures, encouragement. Until people are mature and want something from each other, want to fill voids in themselves, want to receive love from the outside, the overall interaction does not take place. Instead, it's a sandbox game where you're each other's toy, which eventually wears out and gets boring.

The great meaning and miracle of a relationship is born when, completely naturally, without any coercion, we encourage each other's self-growth. Travel up. It is an interaction between two mature, mature people. The interaction of two complete people in themselves, where both the woman and the man are personalities who know how to make themselves happy even on their own. The meeting of two souls in a joyful and conscious dance of life. Where disagreements are not debated, but respectfully voiced. Where there are no inadequate expectations from the other. Where it is respected that you are both individuals. Where trials bring you closer, not apart, because you are a team. And only then - only when such two people meet, who love themselves, know how to entertain themselves, adore life, even when they are alone - the true miracle of a relationship and its true meaning is created. To be together on the exciting journey of life!

The secret to a happy relationship is to be happy before you start a relationship!

Are you aware of your own potential and are you ready to take the first step in realizing it?

Author of the article: Ieva Simanovića

Photo: Briana Nolan