A happy person is the author of his life, and even in difficult situations he chooses how to look at it and what steps to take.

Step by step, the way most people perceive relationships , themselves in them and expectations from their loved one is changing. In the past, the main role of relationships was the continuation of the family and maintenance of the farm. The next stage is a long-coded belief that being in a relationship will make us happy. That a loved one will be our savior and fill the empty spaces. That we are incomplete without relationships.

But if you replace the thought that your feeling of sadness or emptiness will pass when you meet a person to fall in love with, with this: what feelings arise in you if you first fall in love with yourself and life, and through these feelings you quite naturally attract the person you love? If you make yourself happy? It is the direct path to conscious, meaningful, deep relationships and complete abandonment of toxic phenomena in your life.

Everyone's task and recipe for a happy, enjoyable life is - first fall in love with yourself ! A person who loves and enjoys himself attracts a partner of equal quality, which is more than a pleasant bonus and order in life. Another valuable bonus - if you meet people who love life and themselves, even if they are alone, there are no unnecessary expectations from each other and no pressure in the relationship.

Why falling in love with yourself is not selfish

If you allow yourself to know yourself and love yourself, toxic relationships will no longer be able to enter your life. How does self-love protect against this? It's quite simple - you will not accept anything less than what you can give yourself. You will only choose the one with powerful content and respectful attitude.

To be able to experience true love, you must be able to love yourself unconditionally. It changes the way you feel and relate to life, as well as all of your relationships, not just romantic ones. What exactly is unconditional love? It is absolutely not about hurting yourself or others or justifying disrespectful behavior because "that's who I am". No. Unconditional love is accepting yourself and others, recognizing your own and others' dark sides without pretending they don't exist. It's being able to be empathetic and supportive of yourself, not whining and whining.

The key to a happy relationship is to find joy and happiness before starting a relationship. You feel complete. You don't need a significant other who will fill your shortcomings, but an equal partner, a mature adult with whom you can interact, continue to grow in consciousness together and share the pleasures of life.

How to love yourself?

• Get to know yourself! Not only the beautiful, but also the shortcomings. By being aware of the not-so-cool features, there is an opportunity to change them. On the other hand, not admitting your messiness is like tying a scarf over your eyes and pretending to be yourself.
• See your talents and put them to use.
• Do not compare yourself with others.
• Do things that interest you. Say no to what drains your energy and doesn't give you satisfaction.
• Learn to set healthy boundaries in both your professional and personal life. Be honest with yourself.

• Be kind to yourself.
• Enjoy your being.
• Respect your body, take care of it. Love your body!
• Make time for relaxation and pampering, consciously schedule it.
• Writing down affirmations and gratitudes can help a lot.
• Celebrate your small and big victories and important days!

When we look for someone to fill our gaps, heartache and resentment are inevitable. But what can you lose if you are already complete in yourself?

Prioritizing your needs is not selfishness. It is the foundation of your well-being. Anyone who has taken care of himself can give more to others. What will you give to others if your bowl is empty?

There are often situations, toxic relationship patterns that repeat themselves. They repeat themselves until we learn to love ourselves! Clearly set boundaries for yourself: what kind of attitude I allow towards myself and what kind of attitude I don't. Which man or woman do I want to let into my life and which one I don't. Ask yourself: does the relationship with this person build me up or tear me down? Do the emotions I experience make me stronger?

Test: Am I with a partner to patch up the feeling of incompleteness in myself?

You can very simply check for what motives you are with your partner by asking yourself a few questions. Be brave and honest when answering them!

• Do I choose this person based on past patterns?

Also, a passionate attraction, a partner's coldness one day and an outpouring of love the next, or criticism may seem like a comfort zone, if that has been the experience so far. But do you need it? As soon as we change our attitude towards ourselves, we free up space for other quality relationships to enter.

• How does my body feel when I'm with him?

The body is very smart and tells us things before our mind understands them. If the bodily reactions show that there is no really good and safe feeling next to this person, you know that it is justified. Don't make excuses with your mind for the person your body rejects!

• Do I expect this person to give me something that only he can give?

If you believe that you cannot be happy without this person, and that you can only love this person, this is already a red flag worth thinking about.

And most importantly - if you love yourself and adore life, make conscious decisions and actions in your life to realize your goals, you will meet an equally powerful person!

Author of the article: Ieva Simanoviča