When you are about to become a married couple or you are already a wife and husband, i.e. a family, you are like one whole organism that sometimes has to learn to communicate with the outside world - parents , grandparents and relatives. Everyone has an opinion, but not everyone realizes how ethical it is to interfere with it. The art of sincere mutual understanding is of great importance, so that communication turns out to be really enjoyable and desirable. However, sometimes the communication with the husband's or wife's parents creates a completely unnecessary tense, headache and conflict-causing atmosphere. How to avoid it?

First of all, if there are misunderstandings and conflicts in intergenerational relations, one should be aware that one of the participants (or even several) is ultimately not yet a mature self-sufficient personality. And most likely it will never be. Here, the number of years has absolutely no meaning.

You are adults

This is an essential point to remember in order to be able to stop your parents' attempts to interfere in your life in time and with confidence. Yes, often parents can really help us with some valuable advice if they have gone through similar situations and made their own conclusions. And they will be very grateful and feel appreciated if you ask for advice. However, too much is too much. If there is too much interference, opinions and advice, the parent has not learned to live his own life.

After all, we must remember - parents had their own opportunities to create a family, create and raise children . They have already taken their chance. Everything. Now it's your turn. Raising children is a very sensitive topic - and here it is worth remembering that we each raise our children, both guided by our inner best intentions and influenced by current research and guidelines. If once a crying baby was not allowed to walk in the arms, because it would be "spoiled" in this way, then what sane parent would now agree to something so absurd? Perhaps at the moment when one of the grandparents suggests that the baby be denied the comforting closeness, smell and warmth of the mother so vitally needed, it is worth thinking about why so many modern adults have to visit psychologists to deal with childhood traumas.

Accept and let be

As we already know - we cannot change another person or event, but we can change our attitude towards it. If we imagine the environment, beliefs and time in which our parents were children or young adults, as a separate bubble, completely different from the bubble in which we grew up, it is understandable that we were formed by completely different aspects. And basically, we don't really get into each other's bubble. Sometimes something in our parents' behavior or beliefs can annoy us, something we can find difficult to accept. But is it tactful to point it out? Is there anything tactical to blame? Will it bring something positive to our relationship? No, of course. We ourselves will feel happier if we don't bake .

To accept and love your parents exactly as they are. This is essential. Open your heart and let that love flow. Let them be. And to love for every little thing that we have received from our parents' hearts.

Compromises?

Other times it seems that the only way to maintain a good relationship is compromise.

However, this is not true. Compromises are not always necessary. They can even be unhealthy. For example, you are a city dweller with an active outdoor life, time-consuming hobbies, avid travelers, and this gives you endless energy and zest for life. On the other hand, your parents expect you to come to their country house every holiday to do farm work, because someday that house will be yours... But you never and never dream of living there.

No, there is no need for compromises here.

Helping from time to time is another matter and another story. Do what makes you soar! The dream of a country house is the dream of your parents. And it is not your duty to bear responsibility for the dreams of others.

Psychological support

If, however, you feel that conflicts escalate or cannot be resolved peacefully and respectfully, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Unfortunately, your counseling will not change the parents' attitude, but it will allow you to look at what is happening through a healthy prism and focus on more important things.

Author of the article: IEVA KRASTIņA

Photo: INGA VINE , ELIZABETH PODLESNIK , CHELSANDIES , CABRELLI WEDDING

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