There is no single answer and no reason why relationships break up. But let's talk about situations in which, from the outside, there seems to be no reason for this - no one cheats on anyone, there is no emotional or physical violence, no addictions or other unpleasant phenomena have entered the relationship.

Why do relationships break up? What are the most common relationship mistakes and classic relationship problems? When does a relationship crisis occur and how to save a relationship? Is it even possible and is it necessary?

Constant transformations

Everything is fluid and changing. I change, you change, and that's how it should be. It is healthy and natural. A person has a tendency to develop, get educated, get rich. But not for everyone and always. It happens that both of you develop, but each in your own direction, or only one of you grows. Naturally, when you start speaking different languages, the paths start to diverge.

We feed off each other?

With what intention did you enter the relationship? Were you two mature people who have gotten to know each other, are interested and ready to get to know each other, and know what they want out of life and what each of your values ​​are? The entry position in a relationship is extremely important. Let each couple have a personality and for each of them this union is like a soil in which to grow and thrive, not to slide down the hill. If one or both of the couple have not sorted themselves out, have not felt what it means to love themselves, their partner and life, what it means to turn their dreams into goals and then into reality, then they tend to enter into relationships through a completely unhealthy prism - looking for someone who will make them happy. And then begins to feed off the other, dependence and resentment at the moment when this partner does not fulfill the fantasized function of savior.

When one partner becomes too dependent on the other emotionally or materially, it creates an unbalanced relationship. The other partner may feel pressured or compulsively responsible for the other's happiness.

How prepared were you?

When you met and quickly started building a relationship, were you really ready for it? Did you know what you want from life, what are your goals? Or did you give in to the impulse of feelings and passion, quickly starting a life together and not getting to know each other in different life situations? The true nature of a partner is especially vividly highlighted by critical, tense situations - how does he/she react, does he/she maintain respect for you and those around you?

One partner wants children, the other does not. Or one dreams of a life in the countryside, and the other dreams of a career in the city. These significant differences, if not addressed at the outset, can become obstacles in the future.

To make sure that the chosen partner is suitable in joys and sorrows, will support your choice to travel for the next seven years and start a family later, or on the contrary - to create a cozy nest and devote undivided attention to children, you need to get to know this person. The rose-colored glasses of falling in love are a chemical reaction that masks reality, so it should be treated with a little care. The fact that at this time the partner seems to be the right one, the only one, and also a soul mate, is a classic. And the signs and symptoms seem absolutely convincing! However, give yourself time to take a closer look. Feel, experience and draw healthy conclusions.

Lack of communication

The more open we are, the less risk there is of misunderstandings, which is one of the biggest causes of disputes and resentments in relationships. Equally important is the ability to listen non-judgmentally. Giving each other space. It will be very difficult for the partner to open up, knowing that he will always receive disdain, denial, misunderstanding in return. A safe space is one of the most essential missions of a couple's existence.

An open, honest and respectful conversation is the basis for a healthy relationship. When a couple does not talk about their emotions, needs or problems, misunderstandings, resentment and silent tension arise. Over time, this leads to alienation and not knowing the partner.

Lack of intimacy

To experience true intimacy in bed, emotional intimacy is vital. These two are interrelated areas of relationships that influence each other. The closer you get, the deeper the pleasure you will be able to experience, which will be far from the well-being provided by mechanical actions. It is also very important to get to know and respect each other's mechanisms of triggering pleasure - to find out how women work, like a man's organism, what exactly your woman and exactly your man like. Infantile disinterest and even rejection is a sure path to divorce.

Partner control

Everywhere only together and we know each other's every step - it is a controlling relationship. Undoubtedly, partners who live together and have a family should be informed, moreover, it is not even possible for everyone to go their own way without coordinating them with their partner, if there are children or other shared responsibilities. It is about excessive control, where the partner shows dissatisfaction when the beloved wants to spend an evening with girlfriends, as well as calling five times a day, thus creating the feeling that the partner does not have free room to breathe.

Excessive jealousy, control over the other person's choices, friendships or free time indicates an unhealthy codependency and often leads to conflict or feelings of oppression.

Financial complications

Although the couple is formed on the basis of falling in love, sooner or later they come into contact with the management of practical reality, in which money plays a big role. This is often a source of contention, especially when there is a lack of agreement on expenses. Different spending habits, debt, inability to talk about a budget or agree on priorities create tension and frustration.

Routine

Relationships can fade if they lack new emotions and adventures. Partners become flatmates, or even worse - as a piece of furniture in the background. It is also interesting for a person by himself when there is a development, a movement, a process.

Relationships need development and new impressions. If a couple gets stuck in a daily routine without surprises or goals, a feeling of incompleteness, stagnation arises, and one or both of them may start looking for passion elsewhere - in workaholism, addictions, lovers.

Holding a long-term grudge

It stems from the inability to communicate and the feelings that make up a couple can be destroyed completely. Old conflicts that are not resolved do not go away. Resentment accumulates, and even small problems can turn into big arguments in the future if the partners are unable to forgive and move on. If there is a resentment that does not go away even after talking about it, you have to think about whether I can change my attitude towards it and whether it is necessary to live with it at all. Let's remember about self-love!  

Inability to resolve disputes healthily

It is not conflicts that destroy relationships, but the way they are resolved. Insults, shouting, passive-aggressive behavior - all this undermines respect and trust. Dealing with healthy conflict is a skill that needs to be developed.

Not spending time on a partner

In the rush of life, there is often a lack of time for quality time together. If partners become roommates instead of loved ones, intimacy in the relationship is lost. Romantic time together needs to be planned. We plan our jobs, don't we? So why do we have difficulty with time for ourselves and our loved ones?

Insufficient recognition and respect

People want to feel appreciated. If respect, compliments and gratitude disappear in a relationship, the partner begins to feel insignificant or unloved.

When a relationship crisis occurs

When, being by each other's side, you have lost each other as partners, forgotten about each other, neglected or offended, there is a relationship crisis that calls for an answer to the question: stay or go? How to maintain a relationship and is it necessary at all? Basic healthy communication can save everything - a conversation in which you reveal to each other how you feel, why, what you want, what you miss. But it is important to allow the partner to talk without being condemned for it. Give each other a time, for example 15 minutes, in which the other must not be interrupted. You can then discuss what you heard. In other cases, when it is difficult to have a healthy conversation on your own, the presence of a mediator or couples psychotherapist is needed.

If you know that after putting aside resentment and misunderstanding, you can still desire each other a little bit, if you know that deep down you love and this person is important to you, and you have common values and are ready to take a step towards each other - the relationship is worth saving.

Perhaps more was not intended?

Sometimes you have to accept with gratitude a relationship that is truly exhausted. Who have given everything they were destined to give - love, experience, lessons, children. And so it was meant to be. There are no failures. No need to look for reasons. You should give thanks and move on, allowing yourself and your ex-partner to continue their Earth life adventure even stronger and smarter.

Author of the article: Ieva Simanoviča